Weigh-in wasn't as bad as I expected!

Weigh-in last night wasn’t nearly as bad as I expected, especially considering that Christmas and my TOM were both in the last 7 days. I took off my jacket and shoes (I try to be as consistent as possible) and stepped onto the scale, briefly saying a little prayer to God that I didn’t gain too much. LOL, then I crossed both my fingers and looked at what my leader was writing down, and it was 283.8 pounds, up only 1 POUND FROM LAST TUESDAY!!! I’m feeling pretty proud of that. I know that next week will be lower, just because AF will be gone and I always drop a few pounds then. YAY!

There’s been a similar theme, it seems, across several blogs I’ve read lately, but they both actually came after a Biggest Loser show, where Jillian said something like “with every bite you eat, you’re choosing to be either fat or healthy”. Something like that. Anyways, it’s been bothering me because that really is true. As much as I want to be healthy and thin, until lately, I have apparently wanted that fast food, or chocolate more than to be thin. How sad is it that I’ve made such a poor choice so many times that I let myself get and stay fat. It irritates me. Now lately, I’ve been repeating that in my head before I eat, and it’s really an eye opener. I want to choose to be healthy and thin, and that bears repeating as many times as necessary until I get that instinctive thought when I pick something up to eat.

Post- Christmas update

I hope everyone had a nice Christmas! For myself, we spent Christmas eve with my family (including two of my brothers who flew in from Georgia and Florida), and then on Christmas day, we had a brunch and then a light Christmas dinner that afternoon. My mom usually makes a big dinner, but when the afternoon came around, she cooked the turkey and then told everyone to “make ourselves a sandwich” and went and sat down in the living room. LOL, it was so funny. And I think we all enjoyed the casualness of it. No table to set; no other food to prepare; barely any clean-up. Definitely nice. Unfortunately there was a lot of food hanging around the house and I admit, I snacked. A lot. Too much in fact.

And aunt flo arrived on Christmas (sucky, definitely. Felt like a “Merry Christmas Laura! From: God”. I know that’s not true, but it felt like it). Anyways, I am bloated and uncomfortable and I just want to go home today. And then there’s my back which is pretty much not causing any problems now, but there are still things the Chiropractor is working on and I saw her before work this morning, so my back is sore today. My office chair is so NOT ergonomically correct and if I don’t put pillows behind my back to support it, it really starts to hurt.

Food-wise, I am back on track today. And I’m hoping if I stay on track today and tomorrow, I might post a maintain or maybe a small gain. It never helps my weight when af is around. We’ll see though.

Jeff gave me some beautiful sweaters for Christmas, a cute night gown (haven’t had one since I was a kid), some slippers and a few other fun things including the Biggest Loser Wii program. I’m really looking forward to trying it out. Maybe tonight if it’s really low-key so I don’t hurt my back again, or overexert myself and start hacking again. Speaking of that, the antibiotics the doc gave to me didn’t work because I’m still coughing quite a bit. I’m debating getting another round, but then I think I may just have to kick it myself in the end and if that’s the case, I could at least save us some much needed money.

Oh well. Hopefully soon, things will straighten back out and be normal again. I’m working on a new resolution for 2011 right now. I might not share it on my blog because it seems intensely personal to me, but I’m definitely making some goals. Just to share, because it really feels motivating, I came across a blog today (I can’t remembers whose) and they put up the following quote; “A YEAR FROM NOW, YOU’LL WISH YOU HAD STARTED TODAY.” Isn’t that the truth?!? Right now, I wish a year ago I had really buckled down on my weight loss, as I would probably not have stalled for 7 months. The only positive side is that I have still lost 15 pounds in the last 12 months, and though small, that is a success.

Have you come up with any resolutions for the upcoming year? Want to share?

I hope you’ve all had a great weekend, and that your Monday isn’t too bad! :)

Update for the week

Update for the week; I did really well last week! I tracked everything I ate every single day, and exercised at least 3 times which were my goals for the last week.

I’ve still been sick which made exercising really hard, especially since I couldn’t do any cardio. Then on Monday, my back was feeling pretty sore from all the coughing I was doing from the Bronchitis. Unfortunately on Monday night, when I was going to bed, I reached to put something on my dresser and was struck with the most excruciating pain across my mid-upper back. It was so painful it brought me to tears and made it so I almost couldn’t move. Sleeping that night was near impossible and the next day, I wasn’t able to go to work I was hurting so bad. I had to hobble around the house like an old lady. I was able to get in to a chiropractor yesterday afternoon and again this morning and am to the point where I only hurt when I move certain ways. Unfortunately, because it’s my back, I can’t lift any weights! So now I can’t exercise at all! 

Luckily because I did so well last week, I did drop 2.2 pounds, so I’m at least on the right path. Hopefully I can keep things under control for the next week so that despite my inability to exercise, I will still lose weight. (Or at least maintain if that’s all I can do).

Shocking!!!

I am shocked and appalled!!! I’ve been creating a list of foods for a quick reference, calculating the new weight watchers points plus values on my favorite foods at all the restaurants we go to, and am just speechless (verbally, not in my mind, which is why I can still think). At most of the restaurants, the values were bearable, as in they’d fit in my day if I was careful, and planned ahead a little bit. But at Shari’s, no can do! Even every single one of their salads are over 1,000 calories. The only healthy items on their menu is the “soup and salad” (a special, I’m sure, small salad). The ONLY! I even checked out their kids menu and all of the kids items are atrocious! I couldn’t believe it! So, I can definitely say it’s a good thing we go to Shari’s only a couple of times a year. And I’m definitely going to have to plan ahead so that I have the points.

On to less shocking (maybe) items, I have done strength training exercises on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, and to my utter disbelief, my abs are actually sore today. The only reason I really noticed is that every single time I cough, I’m majorly straining those already sore muscles and I kind of curl up a little bit. I’m thinking I might have to lay off the ab exercises until I’m not sick anymore. LOL. I have also been in my points for Wednesday and Thursday, and I’m doing well today so far.

Last night, I weighed myself just for kicks, and my scale said I was back in the 270’s, for the first time in a couple of months. I know that my scale is a little bit lower than the weight watchers one, but I also know that it does fluctuate like I do, so I actually have a loss this week! YAY!

That is all. Have a great weekend!

Things are getting back on track!

Sigh, well at least it has only been a week since I’ve blogged last. There’s been a lot going on in my neck of the woods, but all in all, it hasn’t been too bad.

I’ve been sick since before Thanksgiving with a cold (to start with), then the flu last week, and now I found out my cold turned into Bronchitis, which is just a lot of nasty coughing, which can be really frustrating when you have a phone job like I do. LOL, I really have to work at holding it in sometimes. I’m on an antibiotic for it, but it doesn’t seem to have done anything so far. Keep your fingers crossed.

In the mean time, exerting myself only makes the coughing and (tmi) mucus worse, so I’ve had to avoid cardio workouts. Instead, the last few days I’ve been doing strength training and yoga. Low movement, and completely non-overexerting. And I’ve definitely felt like I’ve gotten a workout.

And, YAY, I used up all of my points target yesterday, and didn’t go over at all. I know I ate some things that are not the greatest, but that was actually limited. I got 4 fruits in, my dairy, etc. Not too shabby! And today I’m doing well so far too. I’m feeling like I’m more on top of things lately, that I’m finally gaining back control. I feel positively empowered! Hear me roar!!!

I lost something!

At my weight watchers meeting last night, I weighed in at 284.2 pounds, which is a loss of 0.6 pounds! YAY! After that, I came home and while I ate like crap last night, I walked three miles with a workout video, so that’s something.

As of last night, Jeff thought he was coming down with the flu, and then this morning, I was at work, but my stomach felt pretty terrible. On top of the cold I’ve had for 2 ½ weeks now, I’m getting a little irked. Cross your fingers that I don’t have the flu. If I have both at the same time, I don’t even know what that is. Maybe the Clu, or the Fold. LOL, I don’t know. I guess I never realized it might be possible to have them both at the same time. Either way, it can’t last forever.

Have a great day!

I've been lazy!

Sadly, I think this might be the longest gap since I started writing a blog. Things are alright here, though nothing is going really well.

My eating has been sub-par at best. My exercise has been nearly nonexistent, except for once, and maybe twice a week. And I re-joined weight watchers last week. I hadn’t really been thinking about it, except that I knew I wasn’t doing well weight-wise. And when I got an email last Monday about the new plan, I decided to join up again. It’s going to eat up most of my $50 monthly allowance but I think it’s for a worthy cause so I went last Tuesday just in time to learn all about the new program.

While there are a few negatives to the new plan, including that you have to either figure out the points values online or buy a special calculator to figure it out, I think the bigger positive is that it shows they’re making progress in figuring how our bodies work. The old system worked with calories, fat and fiber. The new system doesn’t use calories, and instead focuses more on fat, carbs, protein and fiber, which I think is more important, especially since all these things are what makes up the calories. I’m pretty excited about the new plan, and am hoping the change will get me back on track.

Speaking of that, I had my first weigh-in last Tuesday and my weight was up to 284
.8. A gain of about 6-8 pounds. Not surprising, but a little bit disappointing. I’ve pretty much been on this plateau for the last 7-8 months, and finally posted a gain which makes sense. Jeff also recently discovered he’s up about 10 pounds and in talking last night, we both decided we need to do something before some health problem jumps up and makes things worse. He’s going to be getting a monthly membership at 24-hour fitness again (had to stop before because of money) and for now, I’m going to stick to weight watchers and exercising at home.

Everything is NOT going as planned!

This has been a bit of a crazy week! I’ve been sick since last Monday (a week and 2 days ago) but now it’s not quite so bad. I had a terrible sore throat and stuffy nose before. Now, it’s a bad cough and froggy voice, and slightly stuffy nose. I think I prefer the now.

Jeff and I went to the beach over the weekend. We were supposed to go on Friday, but he was going through his male PMS and being a pain in the butt, and we ended up not going until Saturday. Had a great time actually, and we both really wished we had gone as planned before.

Tonight after work, he’s picking me up so we can drive south for an hour and a half for the night and then continue all the way to Bend tomorrow. The pass is pretty bad from what we’ve been hearing, and I personally don’t want to drive over that in the dark. I ended up not going to work yesterday because the roads were like sheets of ice, and we’re at a low elevation! I don’t even want to think about how bad it might be up there but we’ve got our chains and blankets and food, so we’ll be fine.

Time to fess up. For the last couple of times I’ve weighed myself, the scale said I’m back in the 280’s, 284 to be exact. I keep giving myself pep talks, because I don’t want to regain all the weight I’ve lost, but they don’t seem to be helping. It’s especially difficult when I live with someone who doesn’t try at all, and really does sabotage my diet, even unintentionally. I think he does it without thinking about it which is driving me crazy! We talked yesterday and hopefully more fully tonight about him supporting my changes, and making changes himself, and I really think if we’re both working on staying on track, it’ll be easier in the long run.

I bought Leslie Sansone’s newer (est?) video a week ago at Walmart, and it’s got me excited! It’s 5 miles, twelve minute miles in fact, and at the end of each of them, she does a cardio boost, or in this case, jogs for 2 minutes, which I was able to do. And I finished a 12 minute mile, so I CAN do better than the 17 minute mile I did a few weeks ago! That’s great!

Off to get some work done! I hope you all have a healthy and great Thanksgiving!

Sick! And not in a "that's cool man" kind of way.

Sadly, I don’t have much to blog about today. I am miserably sick with a sore throat, runny nose and pressure behind my eyes, and have been loading up on Emergen-C’s, vitamin C’s and Dayquil. Luckily I have been drinking plenty of water (had to get those pills down somehow!) and have been peeing, I swear every half hour for the last couple of days. I even go at the beginning of my lunch break and go again at the end (it’s only a 30 minute break), so I’m going crazy with this all too!

In regards to the rest, my eating’s been only ok and I haven’t exercised worth squat in the last week. I will do better once I’m no longer feeling like crap.

Jeff and I had been planning on going to the beach with my cousin and her Jeff for the weekend, but I just found out that the pass over the mountain range is supposed to be really nasty this weekend, which means we will likely be not going. Normally I’d just try to brave it, but we’re driving to Bend for Thanksgiving, and the pass there is probably going to be nasty as well, and we really don’t want to have to do it twice in a week. So my weekend is no longer going to be exciting, which means I’ll get to spend more time recuperating. Yay.

I know this is probably one of my lamest blogs, but I can’t help myself. I hope you’re doing a lot better than I am.

50 days...

I forgot to weigh-in this morning so I’m keeping the weight from the last weigh-in a few days ago until next Friday, which was 273.6 pounds.

I’m frustrated, trying to find my control to get myself in line. I am tired of being fat. I’m tired of eating crap that makes me feel like crap. I’m tired of feeling attractive in an outfit and then looking in the mirror and having that illusion destroyed. I am just plain tired and it has gotten me nowhere all this time.

At the beginning of this year, I was very successful in losing weight. I lost 40-45-ish pounds between September of 2009 and May 2010. But then I hit a stall, and then a plateau and then a mountain and have struggled to get back on track. Luckily I have maintained that loss without a problem at all, but that may not continue if I don’t get control of myself. Therefore, I am using the last 50 days of this month to be successful and get control of my life.

I’m calling it my:

50 DAYS OF SUCCESS

I am tired of being fat. It’s time for me to stop making excuses, stop allowing things to knock me off track, and get back on top of my health. Today is my day.

It is 50 days from November 12th (today) until January 1st, 2011. My goal is to be on track for 100% of those 50 days.

- I will track my foods daily in my weight watchers book
- I will stay within my points target of 33 points
- I will drink 8 cups of water each day
- I will exercise every single day for 15 minutes or more

By the end of these 50 days, I could be down as much as 14 pounds to the 250’s and will have a firm grasp of the control that I’ve been reaching for.

I'm so out of shape!

Well, I did exercise last night, though it goes to show how out of shape I’ve become since it’s been so long since I exercised last. I wanted to time a mile, and make it the fastest mile I can, and then I could try to beat that time every time I walk. However, I think I pushed myself too hard and was only able to do 1/3 of a mile, which took 4.47 minutes. Pretty bad, and it puts me at a 20 minute mile, although I know when I do Leslie Sansone’s 3-mile videos, I do it in 45 minutes. I think it’s time to start her videos again, to get my strength back up.

After that 1/3 of a mile, I was breathing like crazy, sweating like nobody’s business and my butt hurt. Question for us larger gals. If you have a larger butt, and it hurts to jog because it’s too busy bouncing up and down (I’m not exaggerating here, it actually was) what do you do to stop the bouncing so you can keep on running? I’m hoping I get lots of suggestions here. I’d prefer to not have to wear my slimmer thing, it’s not that comfy, but maybe I’ll have to. Please help me!!!

On another front, Jeff and I are talking about moving out of state for awhile. He’s looking for jobs right now, and we both think it would be an adventure, and a definite change from where we’re at now. We’ve agreed to set a time limit, as in we’ll be living there for 2 years only, and then we’ll be moving back home. But the reason is that we’re both feeling like our lives are kind of in a rut, and it’s still pretty difficult to be around my family where people are getting pregnant left and right, and actually make us both feel left out because we don’t have kids. It’s pretty difficult because most times, the conversations are about so and so’s kids who did this cute thing last week. I’m happy for them, because they have kids they get to brag on. But we don’t, and don’t know if we ever will be able to, and it’s just very hard for both of us right now.

So we’re considering Wyoming, Montana and Alaska. I’ve never lived farther than a half hour from my family, so it’ll be a definite change for us. I’m really liking the idea of Alaska. It’s a beautiful state, but more than that, it’d be an experience we’d never forget. The jobs he’s looking at there are in Fairbanks, which is north of Anchorage about 3+ hours. It’s fairly secluded and rugged. LOL, We looked at apartments on craigslist to get an idea and there are a number of “non-water cabins” which means they don’t have running water. The buildings are small, as in twice the size of our bedroom here, and a lot of them only have a porta-potty for a toilet. While I’m good at roughing it, I’m not going to live somewhere for two years using only a porta-potty. That’s pushing it a little bit. But I’m excited for this change. I’m hoping he’ll get a great job, and we can do what we need to do for some peace of mind.

Happy news...

Apparently my vacation didn’t do as much damage as I thought it did. When I weighed myself yesterday morning, the scale said I was at 273.6, which is 2 pounds less than the last time I weighed, so Yay! I’m not doing too bad!

I still haven’t exercised, but I’m working out a plan for myself, that will have me exercising daily. I think at this point I’d like to run. Unfortunately I live in Oregon and it rains so much here, that I’d have to run in a raincoat which doesn’t sound like much fun. I’m in the stages of debating how I’ll work out the logistics here.

And I’m saying right now that I’m going to exercise tonight. No ifs, ands or buts, and you can hold me accountable for it.

Yesterday was a huge struggle for me. For the backstory, in the last 3 weeks, all three of the people I was a caregiver for have passed away. The last was my great uncle, who died on Sunday morning, two hours before I was supposed to watch him. I know yesterday I was feeling very depressed, and extremely down. It seems to be a culmination of those deaths, and the not getting pregnant, and jeff finishing school (and not knowing where our life is going now), and not taking my B vitamins (my mood stabilizers :D), and almost to the middle of my cycle again (I get moody and emotional, not amorous). It all just seemed to hit me, and yesterday, I just sat at work with tears in my eyes.

It was very frustrating to me, that I couldn't seem to get control, and that I didn't know the exact reason that I was crying, and also that I have these things that make me so sad and there's nothing that can be done about them. I am literally at a standstill because none of these things that is bothering me can be changed by any action I take.

I'm doing alot better today, as I took my vitamins, but it still hits me sometimes that I'm sad about these things and they won't change.

Well, that's enough of that. I seem to be depressing myself.

Here's to a better day!

Finally, an update!!!

My gosh, the last two weeks have been so crazy! I haven’t blogged in that much time, which means I am sadly overdue.

So Jeff finished nursing school two weeks ago, and took the state nursing exam one week ago. We found out he passed the exam this week, and he officially got his nursing license yesterday! So YAY! Now he’s going to start looking for a good job. We’ve talked about possibly a job in a different state, so that we can have that experience, especially since we don’t have kids right now. I have a feeling we’ll end up staying here, but it’s worth the fun thoughts.

Last Saturday, we had Jeff’s pinning ceremony, a graduation party (thrown by me) and a Halloween party later that evening. I spent all day Friday (last week) cooking foods for the grad and Halloween party, so the day was nuts. But the dinner turned out absolutely amazing and everyone was really impressed. The dessert was a brownie with a chocolate ganache frosting, with a chocolate cut out on top. They looked fantastic, and I’m kind of sad that I didn’t get a picture. Go figure.

I also started the Nanowrimo writing “contest” (for lack of a better word). I got the first two days done well, and was a few thousand words ahead, but then I didn’t write the third day, and only a little bit the fourth day. Today I am planning on getting busy and writing a few thousand words worth and catching myself up. I’m feeling pretty proud that I’ve done well so far, even though I’m a little behind. I’ve been writing about 1500-1800 words per hour, so about a necessary day’s average. YAY!

Now about the health part, not going quite so well. I haven’t exercised at all in the last 10 or so days, and I haven’t tracked at all. I’ve been so busy (not that that’s an excuse) and have forgotten to write anything down. It’s crazy because about two weeks ago, I was tracking daily, but then I hit that point where things got so busy, and all of a sudden, tracking wasn’t even in my head. Starting tomorrow, I am tracking my foods again. It needs to be done, and I am so tired of being fat. I’m going to fix it. I’ve made a big change over the last year and I know I can do it. It’ll just take some time.

Craziness... Gone!

Quick update: We'll be back from vacation tomorrow, so a long blog will be up then! It's been a crazy couple of weeks, thank goodness it's over.

I'm excited to tell everything that's been going on!

Update

I can't believe I haven't posted all week! It's been a little crazy, and the craziness will continue into next week, and then I get to relax, thank goodness! I've been tracking everything I eat, and am doing fairly well at it. I weighed in this morning at 275.6 and all I can say is thank goodness I'm staying in the same area-ish. Three days ago I was at 278, so this is a loss, but I still can’t seem to break through the 270’s. I’ve seen the 260’s before on my scale, so I know what it looks like, but it has not been anything permanent so far. I’m still keeping it up though. Something is bound to change, let’s just hope it’ll be for the better.

I don’t have much else to write about so I thought I’d answer some questions.


1. What time did you get up this morning? 7:30 AM

2. How do you like your steak? As done as it can possibly get.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Avatar

4. What is your favorite TV show? Criminal Minds, Bones, Big Bang Theory, How I Met Your Mother

5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? Scotland

6. What did you have for breakfast? Cheerios and skim milk

7. What is your favorite cuisine? Italian

8. What foods do you dislike? Brussels Sprouts

9. Favorite Place to Eat? Prime Time (A Sports Bar near us)

10. Favorite dressing? Ranch

11.What kind of vehicle do you drive? A Toyota Corolla or a Ford Windstar. Depends on the day

12. What are your favorite clothes? Sweatpants and a tshirt

14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full? 1/2 full

15. Where would you want to retire? Beach

16. Favorite time of day? I like the night time

17. Where were you born? Oregon

18. What is your favorite sport to watch? None

19. How many siblings? 3 brothers, 4 sisters

20. Favorite pastime/hobby? Reading

22. Bird watcher? No

23. Are you a morning person or a night person? Definitely a night person

24. Do you have any pets? Benny our dog

25. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share? My husband has finished school!

26. What did you want to be when you were little? A mom.

27. What is your best childhood memory? Going on a roadtrip with the whole family, before my dad left.

28. Are you a cat or dog person? Dog definitely. Can’t stand cats.

29. Are you married? To the most wonderful man in the world.

30. Always wear your seat belt? Always.

31. Been in a car accident? A couple

32. Any pet peeves? Bad drivers, (a short truck nearly ran us off the road last week, and then flipped us off when we passed him later, hence the) rude and/or inconsiderate people

33. Favorite Pizza Toppings? Pizza hut stuffed crust pepperoni pizza, or Canadian bacon and pineapple on a white sauce base. Delicious!

34. Favorite Flower? Daisies

35. Favorite ice cream? Caramel Butter Pecan

36. Favorite fast food restaurant? Sadly, still Taco Bell

37. How many times did you fail your driver's test? Zero

38. From whom did you get your last email? Spark People!

39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? Kitchen Kaboodle or Barnes and Noble

40. Do anything spontaneous lately? No

41. Like your job? Partly. The days where I just do my job, I enjoy it. On the days when others act like I’m their employee, and bring up work for me to do for them without asking, and just assuming I’ll do it, not so much.

42. Broccoli? Cooked lightly.

43. What was your favorite vacation? Our honeymoon. We drove from Portland south to San Francisco, East to Lake Tahoe and Reno, North to Idaho and back into Oregon. We camped in lake Tahoe where I’d heard all about the bears, so I slept with my pocket knife (like that’d help, LOL) and the car alarm button. I figured that would probably scare anything away. LMAO

44. Last person you went out to dinner with? Jeff

45. What are you listening to right now? A radio station on-line

46. What is your favorite color? Green

47. How many tattoos do you have? None, but maybe one or two in the future

49. What time did you finish this quiz? 9:42AM

50. Coffee Drinker? Ugh, no.

A bit of a rant, but then something nice.

I came across a website last night, I can’t remember what I googled, and the entire website was devoted to people spewing their filthy vitriol at fat people. Their posts were so full of hatred and rage, it made me feel sad. Because their hate, their rage was based upon what they see daily. None of them realize what hypocrites they are. They don’t realize that by their attitudes, they’re saying we should treat people who are overweight as though they’re non-entities. Not a person because you’re unable to walk fast, or take care of your hygiene, or exercise alot. They forget that a person could have already lost 100 pounds, but they don’t know. I hate it when people judge others based on face value. How insulting. How childish.

I also get offended at the thought that someone might see me in the store (or take a picture of me from behind) and make fun of me or write online about how much they hate someone they’ve never met, because she’s fat and unattractive. Even on the news when they talk about the “obesity epidemic” and show a large person from behind, I bet they never asked if that person was ok with it. I wouldn’t be. I keep telling Jeff that if I ever see my butt on the news, I’m going to be so pissed off at them, I will call them and let them know.

All this makes me feel like it’s a horrible world to live in, when you have to be afraid of someone taking a picture of you. Whether I’m fat or skinny, dress great, or like some of those people who are on the walmart website, it is so wrong to treat people like that.

[breathe] Ok. Rant over.


Anyways, I read this today on Kim Bensen's website. It’s really a great way of putting the daily, weekly, monthly, etc. struggles we go through, in trying to get healthy. I had to share it.

Everything in life has a cycle. Not to sound morbid here, but even businesses, ideas, all forms of life – are conceived, born, grow, peak, decline and die. Even diets have a lifecycle that is familiar to us all.

Conception: “I think I need to lose weight. I know I need to lose weight. I’m going to go on a diet.”

Birth: “Yes, I’d like to sign up for your program. Where do I weigh in? I weight HOW MUCH? Are you sure?” “I’m going to get to the grocery store on the way home and start planning and eating right!”

Growth: “I lost 2 pounds?! Whoo hoo! This isn’t so bad! As long as I measure and plan and stay ahead of the hunger, I can do this! One day at a time. Now, I’m going home to make some of that delicious FREE SOUP!”

Peak: “Look! I’m wearing jeans from two years ago?! I love shopping in my own closet and now I’m out of the plus size section. Yeah baby! This isn’t bad at all. I can do this thing with my eyes closed!”

Decline: “It’s still six days to weight in. I can eat this and still have time to undo the damage. Besides, as long as I’m ‘off’ I might as well eat the rest of the row of cookies before I get back ‘on’ again. I can’t believe I have to do this forever!”

Death: “I know I’ve gained. I’ll skip this meeting, work real hard this week and go back next week just staying the same. But there’s no way I’m facing the scale tonight. I definitely don’t want an ‘up tick’ in my pass book!

And the cycle continues …
The death of a diet really comes down to that SKIPPING part. It’s the pulling away from meetings, from the blogs, from the chats and from updating your diet profile. It’s avoiding emails from your weight loss buddies as the negative thoughts inside start to grow. “I don’t like my leader – who’s she to talk.” “If I didn’t have so many demands from my family I’d be able to focus more on my weight.” “My coworkers are just trying to sabotage me!”

It’s amazing how quickly even the most avid enthusiast, the ‘star’, who was leading the weight loss pack in meetings and offering up great ideas and tips, can fall away in such a short time.

I know. I’ve been there.

Fortunately for all of us, there is also rebirth. (Oh yeah, didn’t I put that in?) Well, it is there! And we don’t have to wait for a gestation period (that period of time where we gain it all back before beginning again.) Though we often do … Why do we do that?

Rebirth – starting over – can be instantaneous. We can cheat death and jump right back in to the life we want so desperately.

Short update

I'm still doing well. I've continued to track what I eat, even when I know it's not a good food to be eating, nutrition-wise. I have been too busy to exercise intentionally, but I am moving more due to the business, so I'm going to have to count that for the time being, but either way I'm making some decent deficits consistently.

Tonight I'm going to spend most of the evening decorating for our Halloween party at the end of the month, and shopping for some things we're going to need. I'm really excited, and am hoping I can make it the best party yet!

That is all.

Le sigh

I am so stressed! First off, the good news. I have tracked everything I’ve eaten for the last 7 (plus today so far) days, and am doing well at paying attention to what I’ve been eating. I wasn’t able to exercise this weekend, but I’ll get into that. For a nice change, I feel on top of my game, which makes me feel even more motivated to keep it up.

Every so often, I do some caregiving for a couple of elderly people. It helps with the money, but I also mostly enjoy it. This weekend, Friday night to Sunday evening, I stayed at a woman’s house near my work to take care of her. I was in for a bit of a shock though because she had been failing pretty badly last week, and had just gotten on hospice earlier Friday. She was in a hospital bed all weekend, and us caregivers made sure to make her comfortable and try to feed her, give her water, etc. She’s such a sweet thing, I’ll miss her. Then I got home on Sunday, and got a phone call from the daughter of another woman I occasionally care give for (and was going to take care of her this coming Friday) and she told me that Iris had a stroke last week, and had some bleeding in her brain. She could talk fine, with sentences occasionally mumbled, but sounds like she’s going downhill as well. It’s possible that she will be put on hospice when she comes home from the hospital this week. And last, my great uncle has cancer all over his body and has been on hospice for awhile now. The family was looking for caregivers, and I’ve volunteered for that, so I’ll be taking care of him for a couple of evenings a week, and maybe sometimes on the weekends. So you can see why my weekend was stressed.

I’m also dealing with some old roommate drama that just plain pisses me off. The last one, who moved out about 3 months ago now is a completely different person than I’d ever thought she was. We had been friends since high school; I helped her move out of her parents house when things got really turbulent for her, I drove her around to help her find a job and even gave a reference so she could get a job on the campus where I work.

While we lived together, after Jeff and I got married, we got an internet service, where you plug the modem in, (don’t know computers that well) and after a month, we agreed to put her on as well, to help both of us save money. Now, she refuses to return the modem, despite that she was leasing it from us, via the provider. They’re trying to charge us for it monthly, and we’re really fighting it, but it’s definitely getting old. We communicated several times, trying to explain that she didn’t own it, and she still refused to return it. Now, I threatened to file a police report if it doesn’t get returned, because it is registered on our property and she took it off of the property.

Then her daddy got involved and really pissed me off, accusing me of lying to her and changing the terms (of what, I know not), and trying to over charge her. I guess the part of me that is most disappointed is that she is behaving just as her family does. Sadly, they have no problem using and taking advantage of others (this is a fact, not me making anything up) and now she’s doing the same thing. I always thought better of her than this.

[sigh] Sometimes, it really would be easier to be a cynic about people in the world, but I simply can’t be that way. I have too much faith in mankind. I hope someday she regrets how she treated me, and realizes the kind of person she’s turned into before it’s too late to turn back.

Ok, I’m done, and I feel a bit better. Whew!

Back onto the exercising this week. Water aerobics tonight, YAY!

These crazy days!

I was given a cute “Cherry on Top” award from Ericka at Thunder Thigh Bride. Thank you Ericka! I don’t do these often, simply because I don’t know what to say, but this is a fun one that I do in fact have an answer to. I have to answer the following question, and then pass it on to 6 other bloggers.
"If you had one chance to go back and change one thing in your life, would you and what would it be?”

I would kick myself in the a$$ and teach myself proper money handling skills and write out a budget, and how not to go to money lenders, not be scared to call hospital’s accounting offices, and in the end avoid the debt collectors I’m now dealing with. I’d also tell myself to not mess around with people I shouldn’t have messed around with. I’d have avoided a several yearlong route down the wrong path. It’s not regret though because had I not made those decisions then, I’d have never met Jeff when I did.

Last night, I decided that it was going to be my rest day. Actually, I didn’t feel like exercising, but since I’ve decided I only get 1 rest day a week, I have to exercise for the rest of the week. I’ve tracked every single bite I’ve eaten for the last three days, and except for yesterday (when I only went over by a bit) and stayed under my calories, and had a big deficit. I’ve been weighing myself in the mornings daily, and (knock on wood) it’s looking good. I know I’ve been doing the right things to get my weight moving in the right direction again, and anticipate a reasonable weight tomorrow morning, which I’ll share. I can’t wait!

This morning when I woke up, I discovered our (new; I’ll share sometime) dog had peed on the side of our nicest suede chair, and it had run about 4 feet across the floor, and he pooped in the hallway, a couple of times. He’d been doing so good about going pee outside, and had only gone poop a couple of times in the house. But it’s starting to drive me crazy. I had to clean that up this morning, so that the house doesn’t smell when we get home, which made me not have enough time to make my lunch, and made me late for work. We’ve been taking him out quite regularly, and it’s very obvious he’s been able to hold it until we’re home, so we don’t know what we can do at this point. We make sure to give him a treat when he goes either one outside, so what do we do now? Anyone have any suggestions?

Anyways, I ended up getting Subway for lunch today since I didn’t bring a lunch. I planned it all out ahead of time, and got exactly what I wrote down. A 6” turkey sandwich on wheat bread, with mustard, almost all of the vegetables and provolone (one of my weaknesses, but only 100 calories worth), and had a very filling lunch, that came in at a fine 390 calories. Not too shabby, and very well within my calories.

I love being in control of myself

I did a re-write of my plan/goals the other day, and I know I am motivated now. I’m not sure what did it, but it made me write out my plan again. I will eat under 1400 calories each day, which is on the low end of my calorie intake from SparkPeople, and I will exercise 6 days each week, to burn 3500 calories per week. I figure that will at least help me drop some weight somehow.

Monday was day one and I was successful! I packed my breakfast and lunch with lots of fruits and vegetables, as well as 1 cup of soup and a cheese stick. I had my water aerobics class Monday night, which burns 501.8 calories for the class, at my weight. Then I got home and cooked up one of those frozen bagged meals, which was delicious. When I got hungry around 9 o’clock, I peeled a small zucchini and ate that at the computer. The day was great; I definitely had my temptations but I remained strong and made the right decisions.

Then on Tuesday, we got news about our auto insurance, blah blah blah, I won’t bore you with the details, except to say that the whole mess made me cry, and I happened to be on lunch, so I drove to a store, very intent on stopping by their deli and getting a bunch of their foods. Again I resisted though. I actually got to a parking spot, and the car turned off, before I realized I didn’t want to do that to myself. Like they said on BL the other day, every time I eat something like that, I’m killing myself slowly. Sure, I don’t have any health problems now, but in the future if I stay where I’m at, I likely will, and they’re avoidable. Why on earth would I want to deal with something that was avoidable?!?

Last night, I did exercise. Unfortunately Jeff called early and told me he’d be ready to be picked up earlier than planned, which cut into my hour of walking. So I sped up my pace to 150 steps per minute, and kept that up for 34 minutes before I left to pick him up. Not too shabby!

I told Jeff the other day that if he wanted to go out to eat, he had to tell me a day before hand so that I could eat a little less so that going out to eat wouldn’t make me go over my calorie intake. So tonight we’re getting something from King Torta, a Mexican restaurant that has the most delicious food! They don’t have calorie counts for anything, as far as I can tell so I’ve had to guesstimate and I’d bet that my guess is somewhat close. Either way, I’ve been good all week, and tonight’s meal won’t put a ding in my streak. I’m going to do it!

The next few months make me happy

I cannot believe its October already! It seems like it was just August be here we are, a whole two months later! What happened?!?!? I'm really looking forward to my whole week off, the first week of November! It's my vacation that I take 4 times per year. I love Paid Time Off!!!

I'm really excited about the next few months. I know most people worry about gaining weight, or watching their food over the holidays, but I've been lucky that I've never gained over that time. I bake cookies and treats, but I mail them to everyone else to enjoy. And when it comes to the actual celebrations, I enjoy the socializing enough that I eat much more slowly, drink more water and eat less because of it. I even eat desserts, and don't have a problem, because again, I just eat them slowly. And if I don't like it, I don't finish it. But most of all, I love the preparation for Thanksgiving and Christmas. The decorations, and color that is brought into the house and main street just make me feel warm and very happy. I'm this [] close to decorating the house for fall this year, just for some color. I might just end up giving in. LOL!

I’m going to be having a small graduation party for my husband’s graduation at the end of the month. He’ll be finished on the 22nd (YAY!) and his parents are coming the next weekend. By small, I mean 19 people, and it’s going to be a 4 course Italian dinner, that I cook. I’m really excited about this. I even took off the day before so that I can cook it. It’ll probably be a nutritional nightmare, but this really is an event worth celebrating, and I know I won’t actually eat as much, because I never do when I’ve cooked as much as I’m going to be.

I’m going with Bruschetta as an appetizer, Zuppa Toscana and Caesar salad for the next course, my amazing spaghetti, meatballs and garlic bread for the main course, and Panna Cotta for dessert (if I’m still feeling motivated). Otherwise it’ll just be a cake.

Then, after that’s over, we’ll be having our annual Halloween party where I’ll be serving a bunch of appetizers and drinks. I won’t tell you what, but our costumes are going to be fantastic! We always have a costume contest, most unique, best couple, best costume, etc. which everyone gets to vote for, and we (or one of us) has won every year for the last 3 years. So fun! And we’re determined that this year is going to be our best yet! I’ll make sure to put up pictures, so you can see how great it is. Gee, now it sounds like I’m bragging. LOL.

This morning, I forgot to weigh myself, however I know it’s up because AF arrived. So I think maybe I’ll just skip it for this week and jump back on next Friday.

Sometimes I'm a slogger! (slacker blogger)

My gosh, I know I’ve been slacking on my blog for the last (almost) week, but I haven’t been slacking with exercise, so Yay! Eating is still a bit of a struggle, but I’m not giving up, so I know eventually I’ll get complete control of it. And sadly, AF is coming for a visit in the next day or so, so I have a feeling my weight will be up again, as happens every single time! But I’ll get back down again. I will!

So a great NSV happened the other day. I went shopping for some winter clothes, and found a bunch of them. I grabbed them all in 3x, because that’s the size that fit me, the last time I shopped. In fact I only found one shirt then that was a 2x that fit. Well into the fitting room I went and tried on all 8 shirts and 2 pants, and EVERY SINGLE ITEM (except one) was too big. Like way too big! So I got dressed again and had the sales lady find me everything in 2x, which all fits!!! I am officially (and excitedly) one size smaller now! I haven’t been in size 22 bottoms or 2x tops in several years, so this is FINALLY a real honest to God size change. Proof that I’ve finally done something right for myself!

Speaking of doing something right for myself, I made a pasta roni boxed meal the other day for dinner. Did you know, if you don’t add the 2 T. of butter, and use skim milk, it cuts the calories a huge amount. The box says if you prep it according to their directions, each serving will be 300 calories. A lot for a tiny pile of pasta, and so close to not being worth it. Instead, I did it the way I said above. No butter, and only ½ C. of skim milk (same amount of milk as box directions, just less fatty milk) and each serving was only 206 calories. While not the most nutritionally sound food ever, I felt it was much more reasonable, and made it so I could still enjoy something I used to enjoy. Seriously, it tasted exactly the same as before, just less greasy.

A blog that I read the other day wrote some questions that were thought provoking to me. What do you want to gain on your journey? What do you envision as your life, your body, your health in a year? Five years? Ten? Be honest. What do you *really* want? Being specific, in positives instead of negatives.

Well, I want to be healthier. More specifically, I want to be able to do physical activities without turning bright red in the face, and huffing and puffing my way around. I want to run a full 5k. I want to weigh less than 170 pounds (what I weighed in high school) before my 30th birthday. I want to wear size 10 clothes. I want to get a tattoo, that won’t look funny as I age. I want to get my belly button pierced, and having a flat stomach, it will actually be visible. I want to be fit with great arms and a great butt. I want to do it against a wall with my hubby.  Are those specific enough?!? I will have these things and experiences someday, and I am going to be soo proud of what I have accomplished, and seeing them written down, and picturing my future accomplishments makes me that much more determined to follow.

What about you?

Having the control to avoid temptation gives great power.

I weighed myself this morning for my weekly weigh-in and am down 2.8 pounds, to 271.6 pounds!!! Finally, a loss that you can actually bite into! I’ve been doing really well this week, eating-wise and have even tracked everything, and have exercised every day since starting the 30 days of exercise challenge on (I think) Tuesday (also the day my hubby called to tell me he was proud of me!). I am finally feeling back in control!

When I got back from lunch today, there was a bag with 4 Otis Spunkmeyer chocolate chip cookies sitting on my desk. Some guy dropped them off, trying to get a contract with his company and not realizing that I’m not the right person for that. So as I’m sitting here, trying to ignore them, I’m about to give in, but first I look up their calorie count on SparkPeople, and actually, since the cookies are small, each one is only about 44 calories each. But I didn’t want to do that, especially since I’ve been doing so well with eating healthy.

The guy next door came in to use my copy machine, and I offered them to him, but he gave me a roundabout story of the chocolate bliss bomb his wife made for him last night, and he didn’t need more today. Then I hear someone walking up the hall. It’s *Hannah, who is very skinny, and would likely be unhurt by 4 small cookies. And I learned that she’ll do just about anything for chocolate chip cookies! Well, I didn’t make her do anything, except get them out of my office. Temptation averted!!!

Have a great weekend!

*Names protected for privacy

Exercise for today

Was feeling very lazy but walked for 5 minutes. That is all.

Only a few minutes, so this is short

Quick one before bed; I did Leslie Sansone's 2 mile video, about 30 minutes, broke a sweat, and I stayed in my calorie limit today!

If you can believe it...

I completely missed Biggest Loser!!! I planned on watching it, but I forgot and went to hang out with my niece and nephews, and by the time I realized Biggest Loser was on, it was already 9pm. I didn’t want to start in the middle, so I’m gonna wait until tomorrow and Jeff and I can watch it on the computer. I might even have to skip over some people’s blogs so I don’t learn what happened.

So in line with this challenge, I did my water aerobics last night, and tonight, while I didn’t do a video, I decided to clean the kitchen for my exercise. I cooked and froze some cauliflower, and cleaned the fridge and broke a sweat, which is great! I also went shopping and got a lot of great, healthy stuff!

I also beat the beast tonight! I stayed within and even on the low side of my calories tonight. I was moaning to Jeff last night that I can't seem to get control of my eating, and today, he called me at work and told me how proud of me he is, that I've already lost 40 pounds, and since I got control of myself before, I can do it again. It was the sweetest thing! And I think it helped that I wrote on my hand "Jeff is proud of me!" What a great guy I've got!

Feeling a little blue...

This weekend went by so quickly! I’m feeling kind of depressed because I won’t really get to see Jeff much until Wednesday night. And because he’s gone I have a hard time falling asleep, so I’ve been staying up until he gets home, and then I end up short on sleep, but I don’t think there’s any way around it. I’ve even taken my melatonin (which helps me sleep) earlier by a half hour or so and it still didn’t do any good.

So on my drive to work this morning, I decided I need to start taking my D vitamin (helps with S.A.D. which I seem to deal with in the Fall and Winter) and exercise regularly, simply because lately I think I’ve been more and more depressed. A part of that is my job. I am at the point where I really almost hate it which is sad because it’s actually a good job and quite enjoyable, but the part I hate is that I am very taken advantage of there. There are about 3 people who work in a completely different department, who are constantly coming up to my office and handing me projects (their work projects, that they get paid for) to do for them. They don’t ask, they just assume I’ll do it, and that’s it. And until a month ago, I couldn’t complain to my boss because they asked her and she said yes, but I got at new boss at the beginning of the month, and I’m just giving her some time to settle in before talking to her about it. Until then however, I so don’t want to go to work. I know it sounds like I’m complaining about nothing, but I’ve always thought that when you’ve been working for a place for 4 ½ years, and signed on under one job description, and then they pile on a lot of extra responsibility, you deserve some extra compensation for that, and a little appreciation. Ugh, I’m just frustrated. And now I’m done venting.

On to the good stuff; I didn’t do well eating this weekend, at all! But I did keep track of it, so I know how bad it was. What is it that makes you eat poorly, all the while telling yourself you need to stop, you don’t need to eat that, you’re not hungry, etc?

So, Liz at Life in Liz's Shoes issued a challenge which I’ve taken her up on. For the next 30 days, starting today, I will work out in some way, every single day, and will blog. Even if it’s a two sentence blog, I will blog. I’ve never been very good at following through on challenges, but I plan to change that, and what better time than today, or this month, when I know I need to get back on track anyways? I’m gonna do it and I’m gonna do great!

I came across this YouTube video this morning, and it really made me want to get on track. Check it out. It is so motivational!

Is anyone excited about the newest Biggest loser season starting tomorrow? While I don’t think it’s quite so healthy to lose so much weight, so fast, and that they seem to forget that the mind needs to be re-taught healthy eating, I do enjoy the challenges. Watching people accomplish activities that they never thought they’d be able to do is amazing to me. I just know I’m gonna need a box of Kleenex on the coffee table, but I’m really looking forward to the show.

And last, I’ve decided to buckle down and do the Beck diet solution again. Since it works through cognitive behavioral therapy, and really helped me to get started on my weight loss a year ago, I know it can be effective. And it really does help to re-teach my mind about healthy eating, and how to control myself with emotional situations. I made a goal to be at 250 pounds by the new year, and I am going to get there.

Such a busy week!

Whew, it’s kind of been a crazy week, and I keep forgetting to blog.

I read this quote on someone’s blog today, and it is such a true statement. WHEN IT COMES TO THE SCALE, YOU WILL ALWAYS GET THE WEIGHT YOU DESERVE. JUST NOT NECESSARILY ON THE WEEK YOU WANT IT. Crazy thought, but so true. I did gain this week, but it’s nothing less than I deserve, after all, I know I’ve been slacking in the eating and exercise areas, and can’t really expect a loss, can I?

I’ve done better, though not spot on with my tracking this week. Eating not so much, though I have been exercising and the amount of calories burned still exceeds the amount I ate, so that’s a good thing, though not quite the progress I was looking for. My weigh-in today said 276 pounds. I think it’s actually a little up due to other things, like my picking up exercise again, etc.

I found a great workout routine on SparkPeople called the Bikini workout. Not that I actually intend to be in a bikini anytime soon, but it’s actually a workout I can do. I am able to complete each exercise, which is a totally new thing. Too often, I come across a workout that looks good, but in reality is beyond my current capabilities. This workout has me do 15 reps of about 10 exercises for one set. It says to do 3 sets but I’m not able to yet, so this week, I’m doing one set several times (in the week). Then next week, I’ll do two sets, and three the following week.

I’m also debating picking up jump rope. I got it out a week ago, and could only jump about 10 times in a row before tripping up. I remember when I was a kid and jump roping all the time, everywhere. And I could go forever. Now I can barely do it at all. And that’s not even to mention the pain of things bouncing really far. Things that should not be able to bounce up that far. So I’m aiming on making myself jump for 1 minute. So it I trip up, I have to keep on trying until I get to a minute. And I’m going to wear a stomach (and other things) sucker in thingy to hold things in more tightly.

My sister Lisa is still suffering from the headache she’s had for 8 weeks now. She’s seen so many doctors and had so many tests, and still they’re not able to pin anything down. She’s trying something new this week, to see if it makes any difference. Anyways, she was supposed to run a half-marathon at the beginning of October. She knows she won’t be able to run it anymore, so she’s now going to do the walking part of it. Unfortunately she isn’t really able to stand for more than an hour, tops and she likely won’t be able to walk for nearly that long. She decided she’ll have to get a wheelchair for when she’s tired, and my 3 other sisters and I each volunteered to take a leg, and get her to the finish line. I’m glad to be able to support her, more than anything, but I know how excited she was to run this, and to have to go over the finish line in a wheelchair is a tough pill to swallow. If you will, please keep her in your prayers.

Oh yeah, and in regards to the critter in the shed last week, we never did figure out what it was. I think he found a way out, so I’ll never know.

Crazy animals!

Whoo hoo! My weight is down, albeit only 0.2 pounds, but nonetheless, it is a loss, and I’m happy to see the scale going in the right direction!

I’ve tracked my foods fairly well for the last couple of days. I’ve noticed that I do fine tracking in the day, but when it comes to evening, I slack. I’ve been putting it all into Spark People’s food tracker, which is fairly easy to work with once you mess around with it enough and learn how it works. Last night, I stayed within my limit, until I went to my Moms and had a glass of apple cider. Although, I figure it is 100% real apple cider, made by my aunt, so no added anything, so it was good for me nutritionally including extra vitamins. Yay! I didn’t add it to my tracker though. I can’t seem to find actual nutritionals for real fresh fruit juice with no added anything. Oh well.

Jeff and I live out in the country, in a house surrounded on all four sides by fields. Our nearest neighbor is across the street and down about 100 feet, although he recently passed away. So being out in the country, we deal with a number of wild animals, like skunks and raccoons, and did I mention skunks? I’ve lived there for nearly 6 years now, and have gotten skunked* so many times, I can’t even count. And over those same years, I have caught somewhere in the area of 35 skunks in our trap. 35 skunks!!! And they fight with everything!!!

*Skunked: When a skunk sprays near or on your house, making everything smell like skunk and nasty for a few days.

Well the landlord has a huge shed on our property for his farm equipment, combines, tractors, etc., and had left the huge door open for about 2 weeks, inviting any and all crazy animals and human’s to move in. And something did. Unfortunately then he closed the door, and accidentally trapped something in there. For the last couple of nights I’ve heard something moving around in there, although we didn’t realize what or where it was, and couldn’t pin down where the sound was coming from until last night. Whatever it is, it’s big. The way things were banging around in there, I’m thinking a large skunk or raccoon. So we got out our handy dandy trap and Jeff’s standing behind me (he was using me as a shield, if you can believe it! What a mensch.) with the two small flashlights; he was supposed to be shining them where I could see. And there I’m standing, trying to figure out how I can slip this trap into the door without some animal flying at me from the darkness.

I finally manage to get the door open and I’m banging on the shed to “hopefully” keep him away from me, but then, the trap snaps shut! I had to step in a little bit, still banging crap into the shed for noise to reset the dang thing. The second I had it done, we were out of there soo fast,. Ugh, I think the adrenaline rush gave me the headache I had for awhile after that. So I didn’t exercise last night, although I had been so determined to.

True story, not an excuse for not exercising. :)

Camping

We had a really good time on vacation. My hubby and my cousin drove down early in the day on Friday (with my cousins daughter) to get us a good camping spot and get everything set up. Then after my cousins wife and I both finished work, we picked up their baby and drove to central Oregon together as well. We ended up not arriving until 11:30pm, and so missed the scenery of most of the drive, though I did get to see it on our way back out again.

I did ok eating-wise over the weekend. I don’t know what it is about camping that makes a person graze so much. I know there’s a lot of extra food hanging around, but not that much, and yet I snacked big time on Fruit Loops and Doritos. The good part is that we got quite a bit of exercise on Saturday, which hopefully helped. There were several times I wished I’d brought my pedometer so I could track how many steps I took, but I unfortunately forgot. We ended up walking 2 miles to the store and back, half of it along sand which takes a little more effort. Then we walked up to see the lava flows probably a mile total, then later that day we checked out the lava tubes, where lava had flowed when the volcanoes were really active in this area. Besides being a great workout, I learned so much! I’ve always loved history and really enjoyed this trip!

Our only complaint really was that it got so cold at night. Both Friday and Saturday nights, we slept really poorly because it was so cold. (Jeff and I were even sleeping in our van and it really didn’t help at all). When we went down to lower elevations to get cheaper firewood at a store, we discovered that both nights the temperature had gotten below freezing. No wonder none of us adults slept well. After talking about it, A LOT, we all agreed to get a hotel room for the last night. It wasn’t really wimping out, so much as getting ourselves and the two babies out of the frigid cold for the last night. But I’ve really gotta say that shower and warm room were amazing. Such a relief, when I couldn’t seem to thaw out otherwise.

And on the home front, one of my sisters asked me and Jeff if we’d be interested in getting a roommate again. Apparently one of her friends is separating from her husband and needs a place to stay. So after talking it out, we decided that we were amenable to the idea. We’re just going to make sure that all three of us talk very thoroughly about our expectations, etc. I’ve met her before and she’s really nice so I think we’ll probably get along fine. Another positive is that we’ll be able to save a little more money again, instead of struggling every month to make the ends meet. All in all, I think things should work out this time. [keeping fingers crossed]

Just for fun

I was tagged in this question game by Shrinking Blubeari. Thanks!!! What a surprise that was. And since I still have a whole hour and a half of work before I get to leave on vacation, this is gonna help me pass the time!

The questions she passed on are:
1. What has been the most effective weight loss tool for you?
I think that writing down eerything that I eat has been the most effective tool. I find that when I consistently write in my journal, or log foods in SparkPeople, I lose weight. I imagine this is part of why I've been struggling with this plateau. I haven't been faithfull jotting everything down. I would definitely encourage that for others who are trying to lose weight.

2. Have you tried any 'diets'? Which, if any, has been the most successful?
I can honestly say the only "diet" program I've every tried was weight watchers. When I started working on my health and losing weight, I tracked into SparkPeople, and educated myself, then about 4 months in got a subscription to WW, mostly for support. Despite being overweight for most of my life, I never seemed to have it in me, to be on a diet. I wanted to, and even sometimes planned to, but never actually did it.

3. Do you remember the first blog you followed?
That would be Lyn from Escape from Obesity (she's amazing!) and PastaQueen. Both have lost a large amount of weight (which is a large part of why I relate to them) and have a writing style that I can read and not be driven crazy by. :)

4. What was your biggest loss for a week/month/ however long between your weigh ins?
My biggest loss ever was my very first week of tracking my foods in SparkPeople. I lost 6 pounds that first week. The second biggest loss was the first week I joined weight watchers, a loss of 4.4 pounds. See a pattern here? Think I'd learn?!? Nope.

5. Coffee or tea? And for either one, what is your favorite?
Ugh, really really don't like coffee. So I guess tea, but I rarely drink it. Mostly when the weather's cold and I want something comforting. Otherwise it's water or milk(3 a day!).

6. Who took your 'before' and progress pictures?
My sister Maria age 17 has the camera. I felt so unattractive in those pictures, but felt comfortable having her take them. When I lose my first 50 pounds, I plan to have her take 2 new ones.

7. What will be your final reward when you reach your goal weight/ other goals?
Hmm, I'm not 100% sure yet. I have several ideas that appeal to me. A whole new wardrobe; a tattoo; a make-over; a weekend trip to the beach. Lots of ideas, but I don't know what I'll actually pick until I get there. Sadly, using one as a motivator doesn't really work for me.

8. What is your favorite breakfast?
Well, this one required alot of thought. I usually have to make myself eat something in the morning, because I never get hungry until 10-ish or lunchtime, so I don't really have a "healthy" favorite. If I eat first thing in the morning, I get awful stomachache and cramps on my drive to work. Really painful way to start the day, so I mostly avoid it. These days I eat a yogurt around 10am, but I did like when I made myself a smoothie in the morning. It didn't rub so badly against my poor stomach. One of these days I'm going to make a green monster smoothie.

Anyways, to answer the question truthfully, my favorite breakfast is the whole sausage, bacon and eggs, pancakes and hashbrowns and orange juice deal. You can see why I didn't mention it first. I haven't had that in a year, at least.

Weekend, Here I come!!!!

Last year at this time, I weighed 315 pounds. I desperately wanted to lose weight, but since I'd never dieted before, I wanted to know everything I could to give myself as much success as possible. I started researching everything I could find, anywhere I could find it (books at the library, bookstores, blogs, internet) to learn as much as I possibly could need to know about how I was going to lose weight. I did this for a month before I actually started tracking my foods on SparkPeople and lost weight.

Looking back on it, I think this is part of the reason that the last year has been successful for me. I planned way ahead, and didn’t set an actual start date. I only made it a point to research and learn everything I possibly could and when it felt right, to apply my newly acquired knowledge. I think slowly between those times, I started (unintentionally) using some of the little tips I’d learned, so that I was already learning slightly better habits.

My official weight this morning (and I’m going to take it and run this week) is 274.6 pounds! Over the last two weeks, it’s a loss of about 3.8 pounds give or take a couple because of the scale difference, but definitely more reasonable than the 264 I got last week. LOL. So my total loss is finally at 40.4 pounds. In about a year. While it doesn’t seem like much, I am still in the 200’s, I am still less heavy than I was then, I am still working on being healthy. I would like to double the amount for the next year. That would put me just below 200, into onederland. Around 194.6 pounds. Wow, it seems crazy to say it, because I haven’t been there since high school, a little over ten years now, but I’m going to be there! I’m excited for that.

We’re leaving for camping tonight, and I am really excited! We’re going to central Oregon somewhere (the guys are deciding and then us girls are meeting them there when we get off work), some lake, and I’m planning on having a great time! I brought my tennis shoes and workout clothes, because I figure, as much as I really hate it, I’m going to do a bunch of walking if I can to get my exercise in, and make up for possible overeating.

We split the meals between us, and I made several healthy choices for ours. I cut up a bunch of carrots and celery to snack on. I packed steak, potatoes, green beans and light sour cream, one healthy cereal and one sugary one, skim milk, regular bagels but low-fat cream cheese. I’m also planning on making campfire calzones, where you stuff your calzone, wrap it in tinfoil and stick it near the fire to bake. I got lots of vegetables cut up for those, as well as turkey pepperoni (only 70 calories for 16 slices) and low-fat cheddar cheese. (I’ve been looking for low-fat cheddar for the longest time, but as far as I can tell since I found it last night, it only comes in bags shredded, which is fine for my purposes. I’m hoping it tastes good.) So I’ve got a bunch of healthier choices that makes eating this weekend a little bit better and still fun for me.

I hope you’ve got something fun planned for the long weekend! Have a good one!

Here's where I'll be:

Craziness!!!

The reason there has been no blog this week is that there is nothing to write about. I haven’t exercised this week, at all. My eating has been only ok. The weekend was horrifying, but the last couple of days have been more reasonable. I haven’t tracked much this week at all. I tracked the horrifying-ness that was Saturday and Sunday, and then stopped for Monday and Tuesday, which was probably fine as I didn’t do that badly. I feel like I’ve got the motivation, just not, apparently, the self-control. Weird. It also doesn’t help that Jeff was gone and I was lonely. I can’t seem to bypass the overeating on those nights.

Anyways, I’ve been busy preparing for our camping trip this weekend. I’ve got my shopping list, my personal packing list, our couple packing list, our food packing list… AND we have to get it all together tonight. I hate being a procrastinator, but I can guarantee you if I had packed them early, I would have arrived this weekend missing several necessary items and then I’d’ve been pissed off.

I’m going to weigh-in again tomorrow morning. My weights this week have been more reasonable than that nearly impossible weight I got last Friday morning. I imagine tomorrow will be more normal, but I will let you know.

I won a gift card from another blog that I read and found out this morning, Thanks Ericka!!! I am totally stoked! What will I buy?!?!? So many options, so many fun things I can just see collecting in my house. Oh, I can’t wait!

An last, please keep my little sister in your thoughts and prayers. Her gp was on vacation from the beginning of this whole thing, and when he got back, saw her and said he thinks she has Lupus. (Just from googling it, I’m hoping that’s not it) He did a 6 or 8 panel blood test to determine whether that’s correct or not and the results of the first two that came through said it’s not. But there’s still several more results to hear, and I think she’ll be getting them today. Part of me hopes it’s it because then at least she’d know, but the other (and larger part) wishes it wasn’t because there is no cure, no real treatment to heal the disease, only the symptoms. It’s a real conundrum.

Positivity! (Is that a word?!?)

Cool stuff going on here. Since I’m no longer with weight watchers, I’ve changed my weigh-in day to Friday mornings (if I remember, but I put stickies everywhere). I figure if I do a little damage on the weekend, I will have all week to repair it, and Friday will hopefully show a gradual decline. My weight this morning was 265 pounds. Which is 13.4 pounds less than my last weigh-in at weight watchers. I am excited that it showed I am losing. The scale has been consistent enough that if my weight was decreasing, I’d see a difference on my scale, etc, so it does give me a fairly good idea that it’s definitely down, but I’m also definitely taking this with a grain of salt.

My scale was always a little lower than theirs (by, like 2 pounds), not to mention that it’s a different weigh-in time than usual. My normal time was in the evening, so you can see that there are several changes that can definitely have an effect. So if I remember, I’m going to try to weigh myself in the morning (mostly naked and after peeing), and again in the evening before bed (mostly naked and after peeing) I can hopefully get an idea of what my body and my scale is doing. We’ll see next Friday what its doing.

For the good news, for the last 3 days, I have been within my calorie limit, and have tracked EVERYTHING on Spark People. I even tracked my water intake. It’s been a long time since I’ve done this consistently, so this makes a big difference. I feel that I’m really back on track; my exercise could use a little work, but my eating is doing great, and right now, I feel like that’s the most important thing. I will eventually work harder at getting the exercise in.

Yesterday, I had another funeral to attend. This one, a 16 year old second cousin who was killed when he hit a drainage ditch that was hidden by tall grass with the ATV he was on, and rolled it. I barely remember Louie. When he was young, I remember that he was quite spoiled, and I always thought a brat. But everything I’ve learned in the past 5 days about him shows me that he really turned into a decent young man, who treated everyone with respect and kindness. It makes me wish I had known him. I’m finding it harder every time to attend funerals, because I’m such an emotional person. I can go to a funeral of a complete stranger, and if I see/hear someone crying, I well up. If I hear happy or sad stories about them, I well up. It’s hard for me not to. But out of respect for the person and their families, I will continue to go. I just have to bring lots of Kleenex.

After the funeral, I had a hair appointment, thanks to a gift certificate my Mom gave me for my birthday. The hairdresser was fantastic; really easy to talk to, and she knew what she was doing, AND it only cost $35 for a haircut, wash and dry and highlights! I’m so going to be going back in a couple of months. Anyways, I kind of let her do what she wanted with my hair, without cutting it too short, and she cut it into a sort of shag cut. She also did blond highlights, which really look great! I love it!



By the way, I discovered something AMAZING!!! You know those ‘green’ bags advertised all over TV, to “keep your vegetables fresh and lasting longer!”? They totally work! A couple of weeks ago, I was getting really tired of getting some lettuce or spinach and having it go bad before we really even used it. So I got the bags and put a head of lettuce into it. Through the last 3 or so weeks, I use it here and there (working on using it more) and that head of lettuce is still good! It lasted three weeks! It’s so fantastic for people like us who only shop twice a month, and have veggies and fruits go bad far too fast for our use. I’m so excited to see what else will last way longer than planned. All we need is for it to last for 2 weeks until we shop again. (So there’s my fantastic endorsement!) If I could, I’d give them 11 ½ stars.

The end of weight watchers and a challenge!

I had to quit weight watchers last night. It’s only $39.99 per month, which is pretty reasonable, and the group is really supportive; a great group really. Unfortunately as of September 1st, our rent is doubling, and we are going to be so incredible tight, it’s not even remotely funny. My weight last night was up 0.4 pounds, which yes, is a gain, but I’m recouping my efforts now. I will be weighing myself on my scale from now on, I think on Fridays.

What also doesn’t help financially is that we’re also trying to get Jeff a membership at the aquatic center, since he quit at 24-hour fitness and hasn’t had any place to go since then. And we’re going camping for both of the first two weekends of the month, so that adds things up as well. I would almost be for cancelling the camping trips, but we haven’t really had much time this summer to camp at all, so I want to take advantage of the chances we have. After all, October will be too cold to camp.

Since I will no longer have weight watchers, I am back at SparkPeople tracking my foods and exercise. Yesterday, I was determined to eat well, within my calories, and I did! Today I’ve tracked everything for my breakfast and lunch that I will be eating, and then I can work dinner around that tonight. I’m getting tired of not seeing any losses, and that’s going to change.

JackSh*t and The Anti-Jared have come up with the idea for the All Loser’s Challenge. This challenge is, for me, a little simpler because it doesn’t require me checking in every day (which I always forget to do), etc. The challenge is simple. Write down your weight now, write down what you want to weigh by December 31st, 2010 and then do it. –The Anti Jared

Simple and sweet. I currently weigh 278.4 pounds. By December 31st, 2010, I will weigh 250 pounds.

What will you do?

Alot of random thoughts

The last week has been pretty busy for me. We had three birthdays in my immediate family. A younger sister on Thursday, My 28th on Friday and my older brothers 30th yesterday. We’ve always done a special family dinner for our birthdays and decided to have one big birthday party on my birthday for all three of us. (The cakes I made were fabulous looking and soo delicious, but luckily I controlled myself and had a very slim slice of each.

But then my sister still wanted to have her birthday on Thursday, since it actually was her birthday and otherwise would not be celebrating on the actual day, so we had dinner and a dessert at my Mom’s house that night too. Then on Saturday, they got some carne asada and cooked it on the bbq which was absolutely delicious. All in all, I don’t think I’ve overeaten too much over the last week, but I didn’t track because its hard to track something you didn’t make, and you actually don’t completely know what’s in it. For the most part, I didn’t go back for leftovers at all, and did eat slowly, so hopefully stayed within reason.

Yesterday, I walked in my living room, counting my steps for a minute every so often, and walked a really good, albeit quite fast pace for 31 minutes. I’m planning on doing something again tonight, to help get back on track. I think the more often you exercise, the easier it is to get motivated to exercise. A couple of months ago, when I was exercising almost daily, I was sticking to a schedule, and after 2 weeks, it seems that getting myself to motivate and go wasn’t nearly as hard.

Jeff was gone at clinical last night, so I was bored and alone, and didn’t get more than 1 thing done on my list of things to do, and that 1 thing was only because it’s dangerous. We have a bee problem; it seems they’ve built their next between the edge of a brick wall and our house. We’ve sprayed that stuff on them twice now, Jeff from one side and me from the other, but they still seem to be coming back. So the errand last night was to get more bee spray so we could do it again when Jeff got home, which we did. Unfortunately, we’re now thinking they may have built up into the roof a little, and so now we might be really screwed. The worst part is this spot is 1 foot away from the front door, so every time I leave the house, or get out of my car, I’m saying my hail mary’s that I don’t get attacked or stung. It’s worked so far, but it’s still a really bad place for the little bas*ards. And we’ll get them some time.

I’ve decided to get a pedometer. I know that when I used one before, I was getting about 3-5,000 per day, which is low because my job is very sedentary, and that after seeing it so low, I’d take my 10 minute break walking around the building to rack up a couple hundred more. I remember my disbelief when I finally went above my 10,000 prescribed steps a few times. It was great, and probably so great for me, so I’m going to see about getting one that works.

So I have a question then. When I first got a pedometer, I put it at my waist and it was really uncomfortable because of my stomach protrusion. I tried it on my right shoe, but I don’t really think it was accurate. I don’t have pockets in my workpants, and I’m at a loss where else I can put it that will be accurate but comfortable. Do you have any suggestions?

Tonight I have my weigh-in at weight watchers. For the last two days, I’ve been debating going to the meeting but not getting weighed-in. I felt like I needed the support of the meeting, but that I didn’t want to weigh-in. Fortunately (or unfortunately depending on how you look at it) I realized that I just didn’t want to see the truth, that my weight will likely be up, and since when have I ever run from the truth?!? Never really. I’ve always been one to own up to it, accept it and change what I have to change. So now that I’m actually facing it here, I will be going to the meeting, and I will be getting weighed, to see how far off track I am. Thanks you guys!

Oy.

I have found myself really struggling the last couple of months, and especially in the last couple of weeks, while I’m trying to nip my old habits that are easing their way back in, before they cause some real damage. Over the last four weeks (sadly including last night) I’ve had 3 gains and one loss. Oh, they’ve been small gains, 0.2, 0.4 until last night’s which brought me back up to 278 pounds. That’s the most I’ve gained in probably 6 months, and it really bothers me. In fact, it kind of pisses me off, which is good, in that it (I’m hoping) will motivate me to get back on track, but it’s bad in that I’ve worked so hard at not beating myself up, that it feels like it negates all the redirection I’ve done in that area.

Either way, I really feel motivated to be healthier. I actually do. I actually have every single day for the last month. But for some reason, I can do fantastic all day long, but then get home, and despite that I have microwave dinners in the freezer, or despite that I make myself eat a cup of carrots before I can eat or overeat the bad stuff, I still do eat it. Something is making me lack control, and I want to know what it is, that weakens my ability to tell myself no.

Last night after the horrible weigh-in, I talked to my leader who gave me some help and a pamphlet that will hopefully get me back on track. I made the decision last night that I would do this day to day. I will eat well and exercise today. Who cares about tomorrow right now. I’m focusing on one day at a time. I will track everything I eat, and I will stay under my points target today, and I will exercise. Please God let this work!

Deep thoughts

My sister Lisa has been having horrible headaches and a bad fever, and the doctors are doing tests, trying to figure out what’s going on, so my Mom has been watching her 3 kids for the last several days. Hopefully they’ll get it figured out and get her back to normal soon. Please keep her in your thoughts.

Anyways, last night, I went over to my Moms for a couple of hours while Jeff studied for a test, and helped out with the kiddos. I was sitting there feeding Sienna her food, and after eating most of it, she wouldn’t open her mouth for more. So I stopped and cleaned her up, and that was it.

When I got home though, I started thinking about how little kids have the ability to tell when they’re hungry, and when they’ve had enough without getting a stomach ache. I don’t know that I’ve ever seen a little kid get full, and then keep on eating to the point where their stomach hurts too much.

So, at what point did I learn that? At what point in my life did I start eating too much, even when it gave me a stomach ache? At what point did I start using food as a bandage for inside hurts?

I laid there in bed, and thought about it a long time, trying to track back to what point in my life I took this detour. I remember when I got my drivers’ license that the first place I went to was Hanks store deli, so I could buy a bunch of their deep fried deli food.

I remember when I was homeschooled for 9th grade, being home with my baby sister all day long and foraging through the kitchen for food. Eating canned frosting with a spoon or on a graham cracker, though I never had the patience to wait so the cracker would soften a little the way I like it. I ate them the way I don’t like because I didn’t want to wait 5 or 10 minutes.

I remember when I was 12, coming home from school with my siblings and trying to find something that I liked to eat, but finding nothing, so then I’d eat a bunch of something that I didn’t like as much.

I remember baby-sitting my cousins when I was 10 or so for several hours a day, and going to their store room, where they had goodies galore. I’d stand right there and open the baggies of jelly candies and eat them, and then throw the wrapper behind the shelf. (I seriously hope they never clean out back there!)

Funny thing is I can’t remember any further back where I ate like that. Age 9 or 10 is about as early as it goes. I don’t know what my trigger was, likely emotional stress, but the goodies and crap were freely provided, because that summer, the one where I remember this so well, I spent 6 days a week watching their kids for half the day.

So my thought/question, whatever, is at what point a person develops the habits of emotional eating. At what point do we go from being a little kid who stops eating when we’re full and a kid who’s told to finish their plate, to a young person who will eat anything and everything in sight, who will search the cabinets high and low, just for something to put in their mouth?

Greatest NSV EVER!!!!!

I had a real non-scale victory during these last 7 days. When I went shopping with Jeff over the weekend, most of the shirts I found were size 2X, as opposed to my old 3X. One shirt was so cute that I couldn’t pass it up when they didn’t have it in 2X, but still, I’ve obviously gone down enough on top that I finally have lost a size! And this morning, I couldn’t find my work pants. When I bought them, I got 2 pairs of the same pants, so that, basically, they will last twice as long if I rotate them out and the legs will go further before wearing out between my thighs. That is one of the main reasons I bought 2 of the same pair of pants. It’s sad that I could see that before but still didn’t change myself. Anyways, this morning, I was crawling around our closet to find something to wear, and came upon a pair of pants, that I don’t think I’ve worn in 4 or 5 years. I remember wearing them when I was 21, but I’m not sure of the later years. They’re a size 22, and I was so sure they wouldn’t fit, as I was pulling them up. But they got over my butt and zipped up, and are only the tiniest bit tight! I couldn’t believe it!

Size-wise, I weighed a lot less when I was 21 years old, but that’s when I hit size 22. When I was in 24, and was this close to a 26, I put my foot down, and now here I am, finally a size 22 and 2X. I am so excited!

I did really good tracking yesterday and tracked everything I ate, even though there were some things I shouldn’t have. They’re written down, and duly noted. I think the problem was that the2 things I ate and shouldn’t have were simply in the house. I wasn’t hungry, and was even just putting stuff away in the fridge and my gaze landed on them. Sigh, it will get better. I made my smoothie again this morning, and packed my lunch. I will do better! I am determined!

Buh bye plateau! See you never!!!

Alrighty. I finally broke through my plateau last night. My weight was (drumroll please!) 276 pounds, which means I had a loss of 1.8 pounds!!! FINALLY! I’ve gotta say this was a long time coming. After nearly 2 months of my weight hovering and then going up slightly, it’s a relief to see the loss. I’m so excited!

If I lose 0.6 pounds more, I will get an award or something from our group leader for losing 25 pounds AND another 5 pounds gone sticker. Another 5 pounds after that will be my 10% with weight watchers and 15% since I started losing weight. I’m so looking forward to these goals. Knowing that it can only help, I’ve been a very dedicated attendee of the weight watchers meetings. Since January 10th, I have only missed 2 or 3 meetings total, and now feel like something is missing if I don’t go. Pretty cool for a girl who always shied away from the kind of commitment that requires weekly attendance.

I can see so many changes in me, not necessarily physical, since I started losing weight. I’ve actually followed through on projects that in the past would have been set aside after the initial honeymoon phase. I think losing weight this slowly helps me to develop more patience for other areas of my life, and it teaches me to push through, or change something when/if I get bored. Blogging keeps me more accountable, and opens a side of me that I didn’t really know was there. I’d have never thought I’d put the horrid pictures online, or be writing some of the things I’ve written; things that I thought were so private I could never tell anyone, I share with my online friends. And because of that, I’m slowly starting to share them with my friends and family.

So keep the ball rolling, I snagged my weight watchers groups food tracker. We pass it around to those who want to track their foods for a week, etc, then it goes to the next person. The really accountable part is that other people can and will read what you ate, and if you gained weight, they can ask why, or help critique it. The woman who did it last week lost 2 pounds. I figured it will really hold me accountable for what I eat, especially since I work really hard at being honest to myself, to my friends online and to my ww group. The thought always crosses my mind; “why don’t you go have dinner at taco bell, because you don’t want to cook. You don’t have to write it down and no one will know the difference” or “you didn’t exercise at all this week, but someone might see that, so you should write it down, after all, no one will know the difference”. I do need to write it down, and knowing that others will be able to read it, makes me want to eat healthy, and not eat out.

I think having to do this will help me to eat well and plan out my days really well for a week. I hope that it will really get me back into the habit or planning and tracking every bite, even after I pass the book along to someone else.

Mustard Crusted Tilapia recipe

A couple of people asked for this recipe, so I thought I'd include it before I really forget. I got the Tilapia on a really good sale a month ago, 5 fillets for $1.98, so I got several. It made two dinners for me and Jeff, including a veggie and a whole grain.

2 (6 oz.) fresh tilapia fillets
1 teaspoon spicy brown mustard
1 tsp. Worcestershire sauce
1/2 tsp. lemon juice
1/4 tsp. garlic powder
1/4 tsp. dried oregano
1/2 tsp. grated Parmesan cheese
1 tsp. fine Italian bread crumbs

Preheat oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C). Spray a glass baking dish with cooking spray. Place tilapia fillets into prepared baking dish, and bake in preheated oven for 10 minutes. Meanwhile, stir together the mustard, Worcestershire sauce, lemon juice, garlic powder, oregano, and Parmesan cheese.
When fish has cooked for 10 minutes, spread with herb paste, and sprinkle with bread crumbs. Continue baking for another 5 minutes until the topping is bubbly and golden.
The website I found this on, http://allrecipes.com//Recipe/mustard-crusted-tilapia/Detail.aspx gave the the information below for nutritionals,

Nutritional Information
Amount Per Serving Calories: 181 | Total Fat: 2.6g |


though when I worked it up through SparkPeople, it was different, so I used theirs instead. (139 calories, 408.1mg sodium, 0.4g fiber, 3 ww points)

I've had a mental breakthrough!

I’ve been thinking a lot and hard about why I’m struggling so much with the eating part of my weight loss. I’ve been going crazy in the evenings, coming home from work and grabbing something (or a lot of somethings) on the way, which we all know is not good for you.

I’ve been slowly doing better with my exercise. On Sunday, I mowed the lawn for a little over an hour. It’s been my turn for about a month (luckily our lawn grows slow), but last week, all the weeds in our yard, that came from the field shot up. Seriously, they grew about 2 feet in a week, I kid you not. So I decided I should probably actually take my turn and get the stupid (huge) lawn mowed. Luckily it was somewhat cool outside, but for every strip I went over, I had to go over some parts of it again, because the stems of the freaking weeds were so thick, the mower couldn’t take ‘em all down on one swipe. So I got extra exercise. I did finish it, and our lawn now looks lovely. And that’s probably the last time we’ll have to mow it until the middle of September. We just let the lawn mostly die over the summer, so we don’t waste water. Saves on the chore too!

On Monday, I finally (after about a month and a half being gone) went back to my water aerobics. I forgot what a workout it was, but it was really fantastic! I just love being in the water; it’s so relaxing, and comfortable. For the first 20 or so minutes, I kept looking at the clock, wishing I could leave early. But I did manage to convince my evil less-healthy half that I was going to work-out because I’m tired of seeing myself in the mirror and averting my eyes. Boy was that ever a struggle, but I won.

Anyways, back to my starting paragraph, I do great for breakfast and lunch, but it’s always dinner that’s my downfall. The reason I think I’ve been doing poorly is that I start to get hungry on my way home from work. To get home, it’s only a half hour drive, but when you’re hungry, it seems longer. I try to take the way home that has very few fast food places for me to drive by, which helps in the temptation. But worse than that, I always plan to go home and cook something healthy, something likely time-consuming and energy-sapping. And that’s where I don’t wanna. I just want to eat, and then exercise and get it all out of the way so I can relax. I don’t want to go home and spend another 30-45 minutes preparing something for dinner, just because it’s healthier. I always feel like my evening is wasted when I spend so much time doing that.

Totally awkward transition, I know, but it does tie in, I promise. When I first started losing weight, I was eating those Michelina’s meals for lunch or dinner, whichever I didn’t feel like preparing. I know it’s high in sodium, etc., but I tracked the best ever, and remained below my calorie limit, and I lost a lot of weight doing that. So what I am going to do for the rest of the week is have a microwavable meal for dinner each day, to get the eating under control. Then this weekend, I will do some cooking, to kind of prepare some foods that are ready made. Then all we have to do is heat it up throughout the week. It’s so much easier, and I think that will really help me get back on track. See, I promised it would tie in!

I actually have that excited feeling again, the same one I had when I started on this journey to lose over half of me. I am stoked to finally know why I haven’t been succeeding, and to actually have something I can do different that will help me to get straight. How exciting!!!

I’ve also reserved several books through the library that address the mindless eating I’ve been doing. I figure I’ll read them for fun, and if I find any helpful insights, well, you really can’t go wrong with helpful insights. The book ideas come from Lyn at Escape from Obesity, where she gives a nice overview of each book. I’ve been following Lyn’s weight loss journey for a little over a year now. She’s actually the person who inspired my weight loss, and she writes really well. I love to read her blog!

Have a great day!