Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Everything is NOT going as planned!

This has been a bit of a crazy week! I’ve been sick since last Monday (a week and 2 days ago) but now it’s not quite so bad. I had a terrible sore throat and stuffy nose before. Now, it’s a bad cough and froggy voice, and slightly stuffy nose. I think I prefer the now.

Jeff and I went to the beach over the weekend. We were supposed to go on Friday, but he was going through his male PMS and being a pain in the butt, and we ended up not going until Saturday. Had a great time actually, and we both really wished we had gone as planned before.

Tonight after work, he’s picking me up so we can drive south for an hour and a half for the night and then continue all the way to Bend tomorrow. The pass is pretty bad from what we’ve been hearing, and I personally don’t want to drive over that in the dark. I ended up not going to work yesterday because the roads were like sheets of ice, and we’re at a low elevation! I don’t even want to think about how bad it might be up there but we’ve got our chains and blankets and food, so we’ll be fine.

Time to fess up. For the last couple of times I’ve weighed myself, the scale said I’m back in the 280’s, 284 to be exact. I keep giving myself pep talks, because I don’t want to regain all the weight I’ve lost, but they don’t seem to be helping. It’s especially difficult when I live with someone who doesn’t try at all, and really does sabotage my diet, even unintentionally. I think he does it without thinking about it which is driving me crazy! We talked yesterday and hopefully more fully tonight about him supporting my changes, and making changes himself, and I really think if we’re both working on staying on track, it’ll be easier in the long run.

I bought Leslie Sansone’s newer (est?) video a week ago at Walmart, and it’s got me excited! It’s 5 miles, twelve minute miles in fact, and at the end of each of them, she does a cardio boost, or in this case, jogs for 2 minutes, which I was able to do. And I finished a 12 minute mile, so I CAN do better than the 17 minute mile I did a few weeks ago! That’s great!

Off to get some work done! I hope you all have a healthy and great Thanksgiving!

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Sick! And not in a "that's cool man" kind of way.

Sadly, I don’t have much to blog about today. I am miserably sick with a sore throat, runny nose and pressure behind my eyes, and have been loading up on Emergen-C’s, vitamin C’s and Dayquil. Luckily I have been drinking plenty of water (had to get those pills down somehow!) and have been peeing, I swear every half hour for the last couple of days. I even go at the beginning of my lunch break and go again at the end (it’s only a 30 minute break), so I’m going crazy with this all too!

In regards to the rest, my eating’s been only ok and I haven’t exercised worth squat in the last week. I will do better once I’m no longer feeling like crap.

Jeff and I had been planning on going to the beach with my cousin and her Jeff for the weekend, but I just found out that the pass over the mountain range is supposed to be really nasty this weekend, which means we will likely be not going. Normally I’d just try to brave it, but we’re driving to Bend for Thanksgiving, and the pass there is probably going to be nasty as well, and we really don’t want to have to do it twice in a week. So my weekend is no longer going to be exciting, which means I’ll get to spend more time recuperating. Yay.

I know this is probably one of my lamest blogs, but I can’t help myself. I hope you’re doing a lot better than I am.

Friday, November 12, 2010

50 days...

I forgot to weigh-in this morning so I’m keeping the weight from the last weigh-in a few days ago until next Friday, which was 273.6 pounds.

I’m frustrated, trying to find my control to get myself in line. I am tired of being fat. I’m tired of eating crap that makes me feel like crap. I’m tired of feeling attractive in an outfit and then looking in the mirror and having that illusion destroyed. I am just plain tired and it has gotten me nowhere all this time.

At the beginning of this year, I was very successful in losing weight. I lost 40-45-ish pounds between September of 2009 and May 2010. But then I hit a stall, and then a plateau and then a mountain and have struggled to get back on track. Luckily I have maintained that loss without a problem at all, but that may not continue if I don’t get control of myself. Therefore, I am using the last 50 days of this month to be successful and get control of my life.

I’m calling it my:


I am tired of being fat. It’s time for me to stop making excuses, stop allowing things to knock me off track, and get back on top of my health. Today is my day.

It is 50 days from November 12th (today) until January 1st, 2011. My goal is to be on track for 100% of those 50 days.

- I will track my foods daily in my weight watchers book
- I will stay within my points target of 33 points
- I will drink 8 cups of water each day
- I will exercise every single day for 15 minutes or more

By the end of these 50 days, I could be down as much as 14 pounds to the 250’s and will have a firm grasp of the control that I’ve been reaching for.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

I'm so out of shape!

Well, I did exercise last night, though it goes to show how out of shape I’ve become since it’s been so long since I exercised last. I wanted to time a mile, and make it the fastest mile I can, and then I could try to beat that time every time I walk. However, I think I pushed myself too hard and was only able to do 1/3 of a mile, which took 4.47 minutes. Pretty bad, and it puts me at a 20 minute mile, although I know when I do Leslie Sansone’s 3-mile videos, I do it in 45 minutes. I think it’s time to start her videos again, to get my strength back up.

After that 1/3 of a mile, I was breathing like crazy, sweating like nobody’s business and my butt hurt. Question for us larger gals. If you have a larger butt, and it hurts to jog because it’s too busy bouncing up and down (I’m not exaggerating here, it actually was) what do you do to stop the bouncing so you can keep on running? I’m hoping I get lots of suggestions here. I’d prefer to not have to wear my slimmer thing, it’s not that comfy, but maybe I’ll have to. Please help me!!!

On another front, Jeff and I are talking about moving out of state for awhile. He’s looking for jobs right now, and we both think it would be an adventure, and a definite change from where we’re at now. We’ve agreed to set a time limit, as in we’ll be living there for 2 years only, and then we’ll be moving back home. But the reason is that we’re both feeling like our lives are kind of in a rut, and it’s still pretty difficult to be around my family where people are getting pregnant left and right, and actually make us both feel left out because we don’t have kids. It’s pretty difficult because most times, the conversations are about so and so’s kids who did this cute thing last week. I’m happy for them, because they have kids they get to brag on. But we don’t, and don’t know if we ever will be able to, and it’s just very hard for both of us right now.

So we’re considering Wyoming, Montana and Alaska. I’ve never lived farther than a half hour from my family, so it’ll be a definite change for us. I’m really liking the idea of Alaska. It’s a beautiful state, but more than that, it’d be an experience we’d never forget. The jobs he’s looking at there are in Fairbanks, which is north of Anchorage about 3+ hours. It’s fairly secluded and rugged. LOL, We looked at apartments on craigslist to get an idea and there are a number of “non-water cabins” which means they don’t have running water. The buildings are small, as in twice the size of our bedroom here, and a lot of them only have a porta-potty for a toilet. While I’m good at roughing it, I’m not going to live somewhere for two years using only a porta-potty. That’s pushing it a little bit. But I’m excited for this change. I’m hoping he’ll get a great job, and we can do what we need to do for some peace of mind.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Happy news...

Apparently my vacation didn’t do as much damage as I thought it did. When I weighed myself yesterday morning, the scale said I was at 273.6, which is 2 pounds less than the last time I weighed, so Yay! I’m not doing too bad!

I still haven’t exercised, but I’m working out a plan for myself, that will have me exercising daily. I think at this point I’d like to run. Unfortunately I live in Oregon and it rains so much here, that I’d have to run in a raincoat which doesn’t sound like much fun. I’m in the stages of debating how I’ll work out the logistics here.

And I’m saying right now that I’m going to exercise tonight. No ifs, ands or buts, and you can hold me accountable for it.

Yesterday was a huge struggle for me. For the backstory, in the last 3 weeks, all three of the people I was a caregiver for have passed away. The last was my great uncle, who died on Sunday morning, two hours before I was supposed to watch him. I know yesterday I was feeling very depressed, and extremely down. It seems to be a culmination of those deaths, and the not getting pregnant, and jeff finishing school (and not knowing where our life is going now), and not taking my B vitamins (my mood stabilizers :D), and almost to the middle of my cycle again (I get moody and emotional, not amorous). It all just seemed to hit me, and yesterday, I just sat at work with tears in my eyes.

It was very frustrating to me, that I couldn't seem to get control, and that I didn't know the exact reason that I was crying, and also that I have these things that make me so sad and there's nothing that can be done about them. I am literally at a standstill because none of these things that is bothering me can be changed by any action I take.

I'm doing alot better today, as I took my vitamins, but it still hits me sometimes that I'm sad about these things and they won't change.

Well, that's enough of that. I seem to be depressing myself.

Here's to a better day!

Friday, November 5, 2010

Finally, an update!!!

My gosh, the last two weeks have been so crazy! I haven’t blogged in that much time, which means I am sadly overdue.

So Jeff finished nursing school two weeks ago, and took the state nursing exam one week ago. We found out he passed the exam this week, and he officially got his nursing license yesterday! So YAY! Now he’s going to start looking for a good job. We’ve talked about possibly a job in a different state, so that we can have that experience, especially since we don’t have kids right now. I have a feeling we’ll end up staying here, but it’s worth the fun thoughts.

Last Saturday, we had Jeff’s pinning ceremony, a graduation party (thrown by me) and a Halloween party later that evening. I spent all day Friday (last week) cooking foods for the grad and Halloween party, so the day was nuts. But the dinner turned out absolutely amazing and everyone was really impressed. The dessert was a brownie with a chocolate ganache frosting, with a chocolate cut out on top. They looked fantastic, and I’m kind of sad that I didn’t get a picture. Go figure.

I also started the Nanowrimo writing “contest” (for lack of a better word). I got the first two days done well, and was a few thousand words ahead, but then I didn’t write the third day, and only a little bit the fourth day. Today I am planning on getting busy and writing a few thousand words worth and catching myself up. I’m feeling pretty proud that I’ve done well so far, even though I’m a little behind. I’ve been writing about 1500-1800 words per hour, so about a necessary day’s average. YAY!

Now about the health part, not going quite so well. I haven’t exercised at all in the last 10 or so days, and I haven’t tracked at all. I’ve been so busy (not that that’s an excuse) and have forgotten to write anything down. It’s crazy because about two weeks ago, I was tracking daily, but then I hit that point where things got so busy, and all of a sudden, tracking wasn’t even in my head. Starting tomorrow, I am tracking my foods again. It needs to be done, and I am so tired of being fat. I’m going to fix it. I’ve made a big change over the last year and I know I can do it. It’ll just take some time.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Craziness... Gone!

Quick update: We'll be back from vacation tomorrow, so a long blog will be up then! It's been a crazy couple of weeks, thank goodness it's over.

I'm excited to tell everything that's been going on!