Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Stretching my resistance muscle

Last night, I had my weight watchers meeting, where, I found out I have defeated another 3.6 pounds! That's for week 3 and I'm up to a total 6.6 pounds destroyed!!! So cool! I say defeated and destroyed because "lost" indicates I might find them again. Whereas destruction indicates they no longer exist. I really like that.

Our meeting last night centered on distinguishing the difference between real hunger and emotional hunger. Thanks to the Beck Diet Solution, I've already been able to see the difference for me. If I'm not hungry, there are NO hunger pangs. But when I'm hungry, there are. Every time. Which is great because I can rely on that. And I was really proud the other day when I was driving home from work, hungry, and every time I drove past a fast food restaurant, I swear they were calling to me and wafting their oily smells into my car. I wanted to stop. At ALL OF THEM. But I used my resistance muscle, and actually opened my eyes to realize that I wasn't actually hungry, my mind was stressed, tired and emotional and wanted me to stuff my stomach.

Every time I am able to resist that, I find it easier to do. Like stretching a muscle. Every time you use it, it gets a little stronger. Last night, I used the free stepping thing on our Wii, and stepped for 32 minutes for the last half of Biggest Loser. I really love the program; it keeps a quiet tapping sound and we can change the channel to watch something more interesting than my cool fat avatar stepping in a spotlight in front of a crowd of cool-avatar wanna-be's.

Monday, January 25, 2010

A positive attitude

I'm feeling like I crossed a landmark for myself! I haven't weighed myself yet this wek, so I don't know (won't know) how much I weigh until tomorrow at my weight watchers meeting. However, 6 out of the last 7 days I reached my target in points, but didn't go over. I worked out for an hour, and was very aware of what I was putting into my mouth.

I feel as positive today about my future weight loss as I did when I started this journey, which is saying something because we all know how enthusiasm tends to lag when things slow down. I also made lunch and (often breakfast) for Jeff and myself all last week, as well as dinner for 6 out of 7 nights. Definitely things have been going well.

For the last 2+ months, I'd been hovering at the same weight. 300 pounds. The first month I was on SparkPeople, I think I lost about 10 pounds, the second month about 5, and after that, I just sat there. I know I wasn't as gung ho as I was in the beginning, and I think that may have been a major reason for the unmoving scale. It seems to me that I do well a couple of months, then slow down, and what's gotten me started in the right direction again is weight watchers and the Beck Diet Solution, which has worked wonders with my mental attitude.

It's like I've gotten the kick in the pants that I've been needing to straighten out again. Although I have to say; the fact that I didn't gain any weight after the first 2 months is really good. In a way, I maintained just perfectly, and everything stayed in the same place! Victory for me!!!

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Success with weight watchers!

had my weigh-in tonight with weight watchers, and am down 3 pounds!!! Whoo-hoo!!! I'm doing a biggest loser challenge here, and realized that my scale is a little different from the ww scale, so I only showed a 0.4 Lb. weight loss on my scale, so as of next week, I'll only be posting the weights I get at my ww meetings for consistency. I did really well eating last week. I ate tons of veggies, plenty of dairy, etc. I actually tracked my ww points for 5 of 7 days, and made alot of good decisions. I'm feeling really proud of myself!

Friday, January 15, 2010

The beginning of my Journey

Last year when I started my weight loss journey, I did tons of research, and prepared myself for the changes that would come, for about 2 weeks, before actually starting to make them. One of the big things I did was read the book "The Beck Diet Solution", which deals with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, aka teaching you to change your thinking about eating and foods, etc. It had a daily activity for something for 42 days, which was writing a response to negative thinking on an index card, things that I could look at when I was getting tempted, or read to remind me why I wanted to lose weight, etc.

It was really this book that got me started to where I am today. I can't remember how many days that I did, but I do still have the cards, and there are things like "remember to eat sitting down", which makes a person more aware of what they're eating. I noticed I was doing alot of eating/snacking in the kitchen when I was preparing dinner, so it definitely made me aware of what I was doing.

I've been doing pretty good lately, but I wanted to give myself a theoretical kick in the pants, so I'm re-reading the book and reminding myself of these little habits that have waned over the past 6 or 7 months, and totally remembering why I wanted to read the book and use those tools! Until I happened upon it the other day, I didn't realize that the habits I had learned had slipped quite a bit, and I'd gotten shaky on my behavior. Like the eating while standing. I prepared dinner the other night, and had sliced some cheese for it. Then I sliced some cheese for me. And some more. And when I realized it, I’d had 3 or 4 slices, which turned out to be several servings. Had I made myself sit down, my eyes would’ve been opened. LOL.

It may seem like I’m doing a lot, but I don’t really feel that way. The things I’m doing seem to go hand in hand with each other, which I like. So while I read the diet solution, and do a brief interactive card each day to teach myself new habits, I still track my points, to keep myself in check until I have these habits finely tuned.

And since you may have wondered, Jeff and I finally got the test results back, and we found out our chances of getting pregnant are quite small. The positive side of me immediately thought “what can we do to improve our chances”. Weight loss is an obvious there (maybe it’ll be a poke for the hubby), but I also prefer to use natural herbs and vitamins. So we’re going to try a vitamin regimen and give ourselves a few months and test again to see if there’s any difference.

In regards to the pregnancy thing, every so often I get this feeling in my gut that I’m running out of time and we need to get this resolved NOW. Like urgent! I know that I’m only 27, and I’ve got a few good years left, but it sure didn’t help when my Mom said (the other day) “the prime years for a woman to get pregnant are between 16 and 25”. Ugh! Seriously?!? You tell me this now?!? LOL, it put this rush into my subconscious that I need to get pregnant now, but consciously, I know I’ve probably got awhile before completely running out of time. Thanks Mom!

Wednesday, January 13, 2010


Jeff and I are still awaiting results from our test. The nurse at the doctor's office has been great; she's checked 2 or 3 times a day to see if they came in, and when they haven't, she called at the end of the day to let me know. It's really so nice of her, and sadly, I was really surprised she actually did it. There is kindness out there, you just have to find it!

Last night, I spontaneously went to a weight watchers meeting in my town. I was really impressed by the size of the group. For some reason, I was imagining there'd be 5 or 10 people there, but there were nearly 30! 9 of them were new (including me) and may have been getting started because of a new years resolution, but I'm crossing my fingers for them. I felt really positive about it! I didn't say much of anything, just relaxed and watched, and it looked to me like they had a strong group! The reason I joined is that I wanted a support group in person, and I think that support might really help me. While I have lost about 15 pounds (their scale said only 300!!!), it's been a loss over the last 4 months, and I know I haven't been as on top of it as I should be.

I've been lingering in the 290's for the past 2-ish months. And I'm pretty sure it's not a plateau; it's just me not applying myself. :) So, while I don't think I'll track my calories on SparkPeople for awhile, I'm planning on staying part of the challenges and supporting my friends when they need it, and still blogging. In fact, the only thing changing is that I won't be tracking my calories there.

And I forgot to mention: Jeff asked last night if we can extend our challenge for another 6 months, until August 20th (my birthday) and whoever has lost the most percent of their weight wins $200. I think this is a positive step, especially since he's not really been interested in health since our last challenge. (I've clearly won that one!) Anyways, we'll both be working hard to get healthier, and I can't wait to do it with him!

Monday, January 11, 2010

Healthy Food

This Saturday, I went shopping for the next two weeks. I got lots of veggies and protein, and lots of low-cal snacks. And last night, I made lunch for my husband and myself. I figure, he may not be 100% for losing weight like I am, but he's a little bit lazy sometimes, and if I make his lunch, it's something he doesn't have to do. LOL, so I'm making it nice and healthy. I packed yogurt and an orange for his breakfast because he doesn't eat early, then a PB & J on Double Fiber bread, a cheese stick, a carrot, a babybel cheese and a small juice box. And I've got dinner figured out.

So, if I keep this up, he'll be losing weight just by eating better. Hehehe! Then he can kick it up a notch. :) I tracked my foods on Saturday, but not on Sunday, but I know I went over on both of them. Ugh, I can not seem to get my weekends in check. I did get some whole wheat pancake mix for the weekends; it can't hurt at least. That's still a challenge I'm working on; To track ALL my calories on weekends, and to stay under my calorie limits. That would actually be a first, as I haven't been successful at it so far.

And, my "official" weigh-in day for my charts at home is Sunday, (maybe a mistake because I do my worst on weekends) but I haven't changed it yet. Anyways, yesterday it said 296 which is 2 pounds less than last week. Crossing my fingers, but also determined to continue eating better which should hopefully maintain the 296. I really need to work on my weekends.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

I'm back on track

For the last 4 days, I've been under my calorie limit! And I have tracked my foods for the past week! For the past 2 days I've drank over 8 cups of water, which I've worked at before, but really struggled with. I notice it helps to drink alot during my meals, and especially during breaks when I'm exercising. I also have a 4-cup water bottle, a 1-cup plastic cup, and a 2-cup coffee mug (i use it for tea) sitting right next to my keyboard. LOL, people probably think I'm crazy.

Last night was my 3rd night of exercising in a row. I have a schedule that I've been mostly sticking to, but I figure if I don't stick to it, it at least gets me exercising. And last night, I was on the Wii, which does amazing things to my muscles; my newly existent ab muscles are still sore! I was having such a fun time that I was on for an hour, playing all kinds of games.

I discovered a new game that's walking, 800 steps in 10 minutes (though I did it in 8), and you can change the channel and watch tv, and listen to the rhythm counting on the remote. Which is soo awesome! I'm almost excited to go home tonight and play with it again! Which has been driving my poor (sick, again) husband crazy because he's been resting on the couch and has to watch me get all smelly and sweaty. He has bronchitis and pleurisy, which is an inflammation of the chest wall. It can start because of pneumonia or other lung conditions, of which he has many. So when he breathes, his chest hurts. :( I'm sad that he's sick again, but happy because he's been doing way better health-wise (taking vitamins and hasn't been sick for several months).

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

My thoughts on biggest loser

I am actually writing this blog as I’m watching Biggest Loser. I really like this show, though more toward the middle of the season to the end, than the beginning. The beginning seems tedious to me. And the following is my thoughts as I watched the show.

I know people talked about this last season, but I was bothered when that young curly haired guy said something like he was going to be there for 6 months, and hoped to be 150 pounds lighter by the end of those 6 months. Doing the math, that works out to 25 pounds each month. That’s nearly 1 pound EACH DAY! And while I know they get some pretty extreme results on BL, it sounds soo unhealthy. It is so unhealthy. And it’ll likely happen. But, WOW. I don’t know how to explain better. Even if I was motivated enough to lose like that, and it could happen with me, I wouldn’t do that. I want to have no loose skin, if I can. And the best way for that is to lose weight slowly. I can’t imagine what those people have to deal with, after they’ve lost the weight.

For the first hour, I worked out on my own while watching it. I did 35 minutes of strength exercises, and I remained within my calorie range today, on the low side even. YAY!

I can’t imagine standing in a sports bra in front of all of my family and friends, and especially standing on the scale in front of them. Putting myself in their shoes, I felt like I’d be embarrassed and humiliated. It seems to me that the show is almost trying new ways to help the people keep the weight off… humiliation in front of friends, family and loved ones. It made me cry to watch the people on the show go through what they did. They are so desperate, it actually hurt to watch.

Another thing, Jeff every-so-often says “you should go on the biggest loser”. I seriously considered it, but I know that I couldn’t stay motivated with Jillian or Bob yelling and screaming in my face. It’s not motivating, it’s not supportive, and it’s certainly not encouraging to me. Just watching Jillian scream at those girls when they were pounding on the tired grated on my nerves horribly. I think I could maybe work with Bob better, but that’s iffy.

And I can’t believe who they sent home right away. It just seems so unfair to go through what they did, just in the first day or two, and then the first week, and get sent home like that. It’s really sad to me as well, that they split up a team, and not only a team, but family. I just can’t imagine going on that show with my sister, and then to be split up with one of us going home. I would feel so isolated, not having my one person there who I knew.

S.A.D. my mother and my moods

I got off work yesterday, and while driving home became soo moody. I do know why; it was a pity party for one in my car. I've been ridiculous and it isn't even over the fertility stuff. But I did make it through it, and when I got home, tried to refrain from snapping at Jeff. Who, when he saw I was moody didn't say much, but went and got me a B vitamin (my miracle drug of choice LOL) which always evens out my moods. Poor guy. I really feel sorry for him when I'm like that. And yet, I can't seem to understand how to control it, except to take more vitamins.

In my family, the women tend to be short on our B's, so most of us end up taking extra to be normal and not moody. Then on the way home, I stopped by subway and got a healthy delicious sandwich piled in spinach for dinner. I remained under my calorie limit by about 50 calories. YAY! Then, I got on our Wii Fit and played a bunch of games for 36 minutes. Broke a sweat, and in one of the games jogged for about 5 minutes straight, which was great! I definitely felt worked out. And I had a blast doing it! The other day when Jeff and I were making our Mii characters, my Mom was over with my sister and when I casually mentioned my goal weight (which is 170), she immediately had to jump in and say that's not low enough for me.

I told her I'm big boned, and I don't know if I'll be healthy below 170, however once I'm there, I will adjust again, if I feel like it. And then she decided that I'm not big boned and I should be able to get to 140. Well, 140 is what everyone puts my weight goal at because I'm 5'6", but I've done enough research to know that I am big boned. There is very little fat around my wrists, and in wrapping my fingers around, they don't touch. Either way, this whole mess is the entire reason I haven't told her I'm trying to lose weight.

She's so pushy, and controlling, and then I will feel pressured. I've slipped in hints here and there, but I haven't come right out and told her. And now she knows and her response is I can lose more. Seriously?!? I think I know my body and myself better than she does. I will do what I am comfortable with, and readjust in the future, IF I WANT TO. The next time she says something about it, I'll be having a sit down talk with her. I don't do well with pressure from others. And I hate feeling like I'm being controlled by her.

Anyways, off my soapbox now! I'm feeling pretty positive now, except that the grey skies have me kind of down. It's like this every year. I keep track of how many days it is until Winter Solstice when the days start to get longer and I can actually enjoy some day/sunlight. Give me a month and I'll be thrilled!

Monday, January 4, 2010

After crazy, I crave normal!

Well, everything's finally back to normal. I went back to work this morning after 11 days off. . I love spending so much time with Jeff. We hung out, talked alot, it was really nice.

Over the last 2 weeks, I have gained no weight (without much trying really). It kind of came naturally to not eat as much because I wasn't hungry, or I was making sure I was aware of what I wanted to eat. I definitely did my fair share of grazing, but it obviously didn't make much of an impact, for which I'm grateful. I think part of it may have been that since I couldn't access any online programs, I was weighing myself every day, so I could see if I needed to pay attention. I've been below 300 pounds for over a month now, and don't intend to go back over. It seems to be a good deterrent for me. I have been slacking in regards to exercising and tracking my foods, so I tracked yesterday, and I'm going to be exercising tonight. I'm working out an exercise calendar, with C25K, and biking, and Wii, etc. So it'll be a broad variety of exercise, but it'll help get me going.

I'm also writing out a menu and grocery list for when my sister and I go shopping tomorrow. We've been talking about doing the Once A Month Cooking, or doing it twice a month. Basically a get together where we both prepare enough food for our families for dinner for however long we want and make them all, then just bring them home and freeze them. I really like the idea of having portion controlled meals frozen and ready to be thawed after work, so we don't have to go home and cook. I think it could work.