I have found myself really struggling the last couple of months, and especially in the last couple of weeks, while I’m trying to nip my old habits that are easing their way back in, before they cause some real damage. Over the last four weeks (sadly including last night) I’ve had 3 gains and one loss. Oh, they’ve been small gains, 0.2, 0.4 until last night’s which brought me back up to 278 pounds. That’s the most I’ve gained in probably 6 months, and it really bothers me. In fact, it kind of pisses me off, which is good, in that it (I’m hoping) will motivate me to get back on track, but it’s bad in that I’ve worked so hard at not beating myself up, that it feels like it negates all the redirection I’ve done in that area.
Either way, I really feel motivated to be healthier. I actually do. I actually have every single day for the last month. But for some reason, I can do fantastic all day long, but then get home, and despite that I have microwave dinners in the freezer, or despite that I make myself eat a cup of carrots before I can eat or overeat the bad stuff, I still do eat it. Something is making me lack control, and I want to know what it is, that weakens my ability to tell myself no.
Last night after the horrible weigh-in, I talked to my leader who gave me some help and a pamphlet that will hopefully get me back on track. I made the decision last night that I would do this day to day. I will eat well and exercise today. Who cares about tomorrow right now. I’m focusing on one day at a time. I will track everything I eat, and I will stay under my points target today, and I will exercise. Please God let this work!