Interesting idea

I recently read a blog about a woman named Tosca Reno who lost a ton of weight by eating clean. The idea appeals to me. While I do still eat fast food, I do count my calories, and often times will work that in. But I know that there's a large amount of additives and preservatives in those things. Things that aren't in fruit, vegetables, whole grains, etc.

From doing a little research, it sounds like it's alot of work, but then there's the consideration that if I was eating natural foods, my body would be getting the nutrients it needs to function just right, and the weight would come off way easier. I'm still tossing it around in my mind a bit. I got paid today, so we could get a bunch of veggies. I'm probably more worried that a large amount of them would go to waste, because they never look appealing to me when I'm hungry.
I'll have to work on what will work for me, because I really like the idea of eating that way. Not to mention the weight loss part.

My DH and I are having a Halloween party tonight. I made a point of only preparing a few things, food-wise, so I won't have too much to choose from. I also kept close track of my calories today so I know how much I can eat. We got some mini meatballs, and I made a sweet and sour sauce to go over it. I made chocolate cupcakes with chocolate frosting (good for me, because I'm mostly not a huge fan of chocolate, so I might eat one, but then I'll be good for a long time). And a vegetable platter. Did you know you can save about $10 by buying the veggies in their normal state, and then just cutting them to size? Those already prepared platters cost around $16-20. Way too much for me, especially when it took me a whole 20 minutes to cut it all up last night. Oh, and the pop, but I'm not a big pop drinker either, so that should be fine. Barely any carbs. :) Yes! I think I can do it!!!

My poor hubby!

My husband has the flu. Poor guy was up most of the night throwing up. I woke up last night at nearly 1 when I heard him (he's not quiet) and stood there at the foot of the bed, trying to think about what you're supposed to do when you have the flu, which turned into about 5 wasted minutes because I'd taken something to sleep, and couldn't seem to grasp "the flu".

So I went back to bed. (His suggestion since there wasn't much I could've done anyways). So this morning before I left, I made him some chamomile tea (I couldn't find the mint) and set out some chicken broth for him to heat up and sip if he gets hungry, and some pills that are supposed to help with nausea and vomiting. And then I had to leave for work. :(

There's almost nothing sadder than having to leave your very sick hubby all by himself while you go to work. I think I'd rather have stayed with him. On a side note, I just know he's gonna lose like 15 pounds in the next week and be ahead of me again. Well, he better get over it soon.

He's supposed to start school next Tuesday, and he can't miss any days because of sickness. That's why he had to stop last term; he missed a whole week because of the flu, and he missed 4 clinicals (which you can't miss, no matter what). Which is ridiculous, because I'm pretty sure they didn't want him making the old people sick. But oh well. He stopped for the remainder of the term, and now it's time for him to go back. Thank goodness!

I just want to sleep!

For the last couple of weeks, I've been sleeping pretty poorly, as in not falling asleep until 12:30 (I try to be in bed before 11:30) and waking up throughout the night, or tossing and turning. For awhile, I had been taking a Lunesta to help, but then it seemed it stopped working, so I stopped taking them and made myself go without them (which means staying up later into the night).

Then I took Melatonin for awhile, but again, I went through a phase where it stopped working, so I stopped taking it. I seem to go back and forth through these weird phases, where I sleep fine without anything, then for a few days I need to take something. Lately, neither have been working by themself, so I've been taking them both.

Which seems to work great, I fall asleep fast, and sleep through the entire night, but in the morning, I'm finding myself groggy. Even though I'm getting about 8 hours of sleep. It's driving me crazy!!! I just want to sleep! I'm sure I'll be right back to sleeping fine without anything in a week, but until then, I just have to drug myself. Ugh

Grabbing the wagon with both hands

I've been noticing I've been off the wagon a bit. It started out unintentionally however. I worked a part-time job over the weekend, Saturday morning to Sunday evening, and I forgot my notebook to track my calories, and I also had no internet access there. So I was trying to eat well, Soup and a sandwich for lunch, a bowl of pasta for dinner, etc. And then my client went to bed, and I was missing my hubby, and I was bored and there was nothing on tv, and so I ordered a pizza.

When I went out to stand and wait for the delivery person (the house was hard to find) I kept telling myself that pizza was the wrong choice. I should be in the house riding the recumbent bike. But I took the pizza. And went in and sat on the couch and ate half of it, before finding myself feeling a little disgusted and a lot sick.

Obviously, my body is not used to that abuse anymore, so I put the rest of it away, and forgot about it for the night. Unfortunately, I still never got on the bike. Well, I got on it, but the seat was really far up, and I didn't feel comfortable moving it, just in case I got it wrong on the way back. (It belongs to the elderly woman I watch, and she's very particular, and I'm afraid if I messed it up, she'd be pretty upset.)

So I'm trying again to keep my food in track. I have still been weighing myself and my weight is still doing fine. I was afraid it'd shoot up after my binge. I've been consistently between 300 and 304 Lbs. I just know that if I buckled down, I'd be in the 290's before I know it. I'm just having a tough time doing that. I think now that I've seen and know what I did, and am writing it down in a blog, it will help me get motivated.

Stop whining, I beg you!

My husband is a wonderful man. He loves me for everything that I am, and rarely sabotages me in my weight loss efforts. He's trying to lose weight too. He loves my nephews, and is fantastic with kids. He understands me, and how I tick. Ask me about vitamin B50. LOL.

But I've gotta say, he's not good about bearing pain. He hurt his back last week (we found out last night that he sprained his shoulder, probably throwing the ball for our dog), and I come home from work and sit there, listening to him sigh. Like an "I want attention" sigh. I try to be more patient and compassionate toward him when he's not feeling well, particularly because my attitude has always been "you're sick, not dead" or "what, did you lose a leg somewhere". I know they sound kind of harsh, even to me. But I think it's worse when a person uses every excuse possible while sick, for not doing anything.

Even when I'm sick, I do something, unless I am so miserable, I'm unable to. Yet the list of excuses he makes up is unbelievable sometimes. I want him to stand up and have a little work ethic. A little bit of pride in what he does for himself and for us. But he lacks confidence badly, and it comes out in so many ways. Nonetheless, I do care when he is sick (unfortunately, as it happens, he doesn't think so, particularly last night). I make him tea, and rub Icy/Hot on his back and shoulder, and heat up his woobie. I try to take care of him, but it doesn't seem to come across to him as caring on my part.

This is going to be something we're going to have to work on for the rest of our lives. I hope at some point, he's able to have more confidence in himself and pride in his work. That's all I'm asking. And now that I'm done venting a little, the positive side of me doing things to care for him is that I'm getting more exercise by going back to the bedroom for him about 10 times a night, especially since it's on the other end of the house.

I walked into the small kitchenette we have at work today, and right there, next to the microwave was a cart whose entire top shelf was covered with muffins and pastries and all good things. I was eyeballing them, as I put my lunch into the microwave, and then after pressing start, turned to face them on.

As I sat there, feeling the drool pooling in my mouth, I told myself that just "one quarter" of one of those muffins has about 200 calories. Which, while I am easily in my calorie count so far today, would have likely made me go over in my carbs. So I turned away, and completely forgot about them until I walked out of there. Whoo hoo!

I have just seen a small semblance of my self-control!!! I always thought I just didn't have any. And, although I won't count it on my official weigh in page, I weighed myself this morning, and the scale, that wonderful and magical machine, said that I weighed 299.4! Again, I won't put it into my official count, but I've been weighing myself morning and night for the last week, and there's definitely a positive down slope. Awesome! Maybe by my next Sunday weigh-in, I'll be less than 300 pounds. I'm so looking forward to it!

Weigh-in

I've been weighing myself all week, to get a general idea of how my weight is going, and I've been down between 301 and 305 consistently! And when I "officially" weighed myself yesterday, my weight was 303.4 pounds! WHOO HOO!!! I've lost 10 pounds so far!

Last week was the most successful I've had so far. While I definitely didn't stay within my calories on a number of days, I made sure to exercise and keep track of my calories. So I was aware of what I was eating. Obviously, it made a difference.

On a different (unsuccessful) note, I've been feeling kind of down that another cycle passed without us getting pregnant. The weird part was that I was having several symptoms, and thought that I might actually be pregnant, unfortunatly, although AF hasn't shown up yet, my temperature has dropped down to normal yesterday and today, so AF is due any minute. Ugh! I hate that part. Another month bites the dust.

Thinking ahead

So far for the last month, a challenge for me has been tracking my foods at restaurants, and especially at restaurants on the weekend. Jeff and I are going to dinner tonight. I asked him last night so I could plan ahead.

So I've worked today to find out how many calories are in what I like to order, and how I can healthify them. And by gosh, I think I've done it! So now, the challenge will be ordering exactly what I wrote down, and making sure to have things removed. It's astonishing, but a hot sandwich at a sit down restaurant has about 3 times as many calories as a cheeseburger at McDonalds (blech!).

The sandwich actually started out around 1,000 calories. But I worked it down to just above 600, which includes only half the bread, no mayo, only 1 slice of cheese and the meats. Hmm, after reading that, maybe I should go revamp it again. It still seems a little high. Thank goodness I got on to blog!

Re-do

Well, I re-did the calorie count for dinner last night, on the restaurant's website, and saved myself about 350 calories. Better, but still not good. So I am determined to eat dinner tonight and keep my calories beneath the limit. This is frustrating, but at the same time, my spirits aren't flagging! I'm still pretty positive about the change and that it's for the rest of my life. That's all that matters!

Ugh, it's so darn sneaky!

Jeff and I went to dinner tonight. And I was very aware of what I was eating and what was in it. After we went home, I got online and tracked my calories.

My husbands burger had (according to calorieking.com) had 1,052 calories, and my chicken wrap (part of the tortilla which I didn't eat) had 1,526 calories!!! How does that work?!?

I should've just gotten the burger. Here I was, aware and trying soo hard to make better choices and I got completely sabotaged! AhhhHHHHHhhHHHH!!!!!!!! I'll do better next time.

Well, this weekend was really bad. I tried and kept myself aware of what I put into my mouth, but at the same time, I couldn't seem to resist it. Like an other-worldly experience, eating something that I know I shouldn't be.

None-the-less, I lost 2.4 pounds in that week. YAY! It was funny because during the week, I weighed myself once, and it said 304, which would've been a huge loss, but I think it was maybe the normal fluctuations that seem to happen, so while it looked really nice, down there between my feet, I decided to discount it, and not write it down. I'm really only weighing on Sundays anyways. Another thing, I weighed myself last night and it said 303. Weird. Maybe I drop during the week, but my weekends make me gain. Hmmm. Now that I think of it, that could be true. I might try weighing myself daily for a couple of weeks. I don't seem to obsess when I do, but it would give that same down swing that I'm getting by the weekly weigh ins.

Thanks for the great idea Laura! Let's see if i can remember to do it now. In the mornings, I'm usually barely awake. But I could try the evenings too. We'll see.

I'm still sick!!!

Luckily I only caught a cold. I had a sore throat on Friday and Saturday and a runny nose Sunday and today. I ended up not exercising on Sunday because I really felt crappy. But on Saturday, Jeff and I went out to the corn maze and spent about 2 hours walking around it, looking for the punches to get a prize at the end.

Unfortunately, it was night time and I only got 2 of them, but I walked steadily for 2 hours. I usually enter my fitness minutes into Sparkpeople, but I wasn't sure how to enter that into my fitness reports, since I wasn't tracking the distance or anything, but in the end, I picked the slowest mile (24min/mile) and put that down for 2 hours.

I was trying to be as realistic as possible, but at the same time, I also try to overestimate (not underestimate) calories, so I don't go over them, and underestimate my fitness, so I don't have a blown up idea of how much I actually did. If I wasn't trying to underestimate it, I'd probably have chosen a 17-20 minute mile because we were moving quite fast. But I want to be as accurate as possible, and I think, for myself, that's the best way.

I hate being sick

I swear, my immune system used to be really strong... Until I married my husband. He gets sick all the time; sinus infections, bronchitis, strep throat, pleurisy, etc., etc., etc. And in the last year, I've gotten sick too many times to count. And last night, my throat started getting sore, and then my sinuses started doing their thing, and this morning, I don't sound (or feel) too hot.

Seriously, I was just sick three weeks ago! Why now?!? But I still exercised last night, just not as hard as I do when I'm not sick. I didn't do the kicks and sidesteps and knee lifts. I just walked. Which, I've gotta say, is really boring. But I didn't feel very strong. I felt like kicking my legs would have taken enormous effort, which I didn't want to make. But I still walked two miles.

This weekend, it's my goal to journal both days, and track what I'm eating both days, and to get on Sparkpeople both days. AND I get to weigh myself on Sunday! (The scale was sitting on the bathroom floor yesterday, and it was taunting me! Kept telling me to weigh myself because I've been really good this week, and I couldn't resist the temptation. So I weighed myself and things are looking very positive, but I won't "officially" let it out until Monday.

Progress

Over the last 3 weeks, I've been doing pretty well. And the areas where I haven't, I have at least discovered that I haven't, and can make changes.

I haven't hit that hill yet, that everyone seems to hit right at the beginning of their weight loss journey. I'm not anticipating it, yet at the same time, by continuing to journal and keep track of my calories, I'm preparing myself to do battle, to make it through and over that hill and onto the next one.

I've woken up every day still positive about what I'm doing. I have such big dreams, but none work with a big me. So that needs to change.

Those cheapskates!

I went to Taco Bell tonight. I know, not the healthiest of choices, but I picked things that were better for me than others. And I ordered their "vegetable medley" which is actually quite yummy; it normally comes with their fish plates.

Well, when I got it, it didn't even fill the container half way. When I got home, I measured it to see, and they gave me less than half a cup of vegetables!!! I paid $1.59 for vegetables in a container half full, when I could've got the entire heaped container of deep fried cheesy potatoes for $1.19. Seriously, you try to make better choices, and they charge you 40 cents more for less than half. Wow.

Where's my tapemeasure?!?!?

I couldn't find my sewing box last night (Jeff tends to move things when he cleans) so I didn't have a tapemeasure to do my measurements.

I'll print one off the web today and tape it together for now. Something is better than nothing. Yesterday, I walked 2 miles with Leslie! AND I stayed under my calorie limit. YAY! I realize it was just Monday, and that could be why I stayed so on track, but I'm determined to see this through the weekends

The weekend was...

Well, the wedding was really nice. The reception was very interesting, and my dress soo cute! Luckily they only served sandwiches, fruit, and pasta salad, although i still went over on my calories.

I've been tracking them in my journal, along with my calorie budget, and I'm beginning to see a pattern. I do really well eating and staying under my calorie limit for the first 2-5 days of the week, but then towards the end, I go over a bit. So now that I see it, that'll be what I work on next. I also haven't been journaling over the weekend, since we're usually out and about, but I'll have to work on that too.

Now, for the good news, Jeff and I got a digital scale on Sunday, and weighed ourselves. I have lost 1.2 pounds since the last time I weighed myself, YAY! And Jeff has lost 6 pounds since he was last weighed. He was pretty sick in between then and now, and that could be why, but he seemed a little motivated by it, which is great! This pound is the first pound I've ever lost in my life by dieting. I was deathly sick about 5 years ago, and lost 24 pounds in 19 days in the hospital, but I don't count that.

Firstly because I was barely eating anything (mostly soft foods and liquids), and then because I wasn't trying to lose weight, and it jumped right back on my butt. But now that I've seen a tiny bit of progress, I know I'm doing something right! So I'm planning to weigh myself on Sundays only (so I don't focus on that too much) and measure myself as well, which I should do today to get a baseline

Plans

I did exercise last night. I started with Chalene Johnson where she teaches the basic steps, but they do this thing where they pull in their abs, and then pull in their butt, and my lower back is sore this morning. I'm not sure if that's good or bad. I have very good posture normally, and the only time I get a little relief from the soreness is when I bend forward a little bit. So I only got through about 3 steps before I gave up for now, and walked 2 miles with Leslie Sansone! It was definitely a workout and a bit of a push since they're only 17 minute miles, and I felt like I was going forever! I wanted to quit at 1, but pushed myself to go 2. So I'm very proud this morning.

I'm going to do that again tonight. Now that the weekend is nearly here, I'm going to work on staying within my calorie budget again. We have a wedding to go to tomorrow (Disney themed, if you can believe it) and I don't know how that will go. I suppose the positive part is that it's at noon, and since we have to be there a little early, I'll eat breakfast, and then the reception will be my lunch and snack. I should be able to do it. I just won't be able to bring my notebook with me and log in all I eat.

We went shopping on Wednesday for a new dress for me. Went to Fashion Bug and tried on about 10 dresses, and they looked horrible! They all seemed to catch on my stomach roll and then hang there watching me as if to say look at your stomach! Then we went to Ross and I found about 5 there to try on. I must say, this season's dresses are definitely shorter than I would normally go with. But I found the perfect dress for me! It's all black, knee length but a little longer in the back, thick straps, and the bodice (the part over my boobs) is straight across and ruched. So no cleavage! Then there's this neat beaded design just under my boobs, at the high waistline. I'm going to wear it with my small black bolero jacket (which will make my arms look better) and some adorable 4 inch heels (if my feet don't swell up, but just in case I'm bringing an extra comfy pair).

I'm really looking forward to it, especially since the bride has been my friend since we were 6 years-old, and the groom has been my sister and brother-in-law's friend for about 5 years (he's my nephew's godfather) and she and I helped to set them up. This is the second couple that I've had a hand in setting up and then them getting married. Pretty neat!

Working out

I was exploring around Sparkpeople the other day and found a cool page where they compare the calories you've eaten to your BMR (or the calories my body burns each day). While I certainly don't intend to focus on that, it made me feel even more positive.

A year ago, even a month ago, I know that if I'd been tracking my calories, I would have gone over my BMR (2640 calories) almost daily. After all, I got where I'm at somehow. But in looking at the last 2 weeks (the entire time I've been on Sparkpeople), I have only gone over my BMR 1 time. ONE TIME!!!!!

I give myself credit for making a difference for myself. That means that I've burned more calories than I've been giving myself credit for! YAY!!! I've also decided that I am going to start working out. I'm going to do some Leslie Sansone walking (maybe 2+ miles each day), or I just bought Chalene Johnson's Beach body workout video. It just looks alot like dancing around which I can do. So I'll be starting small, just 10 days. But after that, who knows?!? I might do a 15 day stretch.