Lacking motivation

For some reason, I can't seem to motivate myself to exercise in the evenings. I've at least been riding my exercise bike for awhile, but I really want to run! I don't know if I want to feel the wind on my face, or what, but I want to be one of those people who, at some point in their day, spend a small amount of time, running, by themselves, for themselves.

It started out that I did run one evening, and had to keep checking my husband's watch (and worse, it was dark so I had to fumble around for the light button before I could see it). The C25K website has a podcast, if you can call it that, that has a guys voice say when to jog or when to run. But no music. Sorry, but that bores me to tears. So, in looking around more, I found a couple of podcasts that have the intervals, which is exactly what I want. So tonight, I'll have my husband download one onto the ipod and then I can go. But I must go. If I don't buckle down, I know I will never buckle down.

I want to like exercise. I want to be motivated and determined enough that I don't let myself make excuses, or "lose track" of the time in the evenings. I'm tired of sitting there and playing games with myself. I've been doing great hovering around 300, with little effort. If I put in more effort, I'll see better results. I need to do this for me.

Another thing that is difficult is that we're still pretty tight financially, and even 1 week of groceries (including fresh fruit and veggies) will add up. It's kind of a catch 22; healthy foods are best for us, and especially for losing weight. But they cost us an arm and a leg. (Maybe that's how they help us lose weight! LMAO!!! Ok. bad joke. I know.) Anyways, I have a basic menu written out for myself for a week, I have my tupperware containers at the ready, I'm so prepared. But I don't have the food because I don't want to use the money we have left, just in case we need it at the end of the month. Maybe I'll skim down my menu a bit and go to the store tonight and get the basics. A small step is always better than nothing.