Yesterday, on http://jackfit.blogspot.com/ he posted a blog asking for a picture of your reason for losing weight. After a long time of really thinking about it, and going through my list of reasons, I found my best one.
My reason for losing weight is:
That about sums it up for me perfectly. The picture is of my niece, but I just wanted a baby picture. Jeff and I had a semi-serious conversation the other day about how we’re both stressed, and frustrated that it isn’t happening for us, and so we agreed to stop trying to get pregnant until we have both lost 20% of our original starting weight. That puts me at about 65-ish pounds, so around 250. I have about 33 pounds to go to get there. Jeff’s is a little higher, but I’m sure he’ll be there in no time. I figure it’ll probably be around 5 or 6 months before we’re trying again. At that point, he’ll be finished with school and hopefully working somewhere, and we can get more into testing, etc.
I guess what really brought that on is that another of my younger sisters had her 3rd baby yesterday morning. It’s hard to believe that two of my little sisters each have three kids now, and I’m still batting zero. It’s part frustrating because they’ve grown closer because they’re both home most of the time, so they can hang out and their kids can play together, and I can’t hang out with anyone until after I get home from work. I truly envy them their good fortune.
I’d never have thought, growing up, that infertility would be something we’d have to deal with in our marriage. It’s one of those things that you simply assume will happen, because it’s what our bodies are made to do. And it’s terribly frustrating and heartbreaking to me, knowing that there’s a chance I may never get to feel a baby growing inside me, never bond with a baby while I nurse, never have those experiences that I’ve longed for since I was young. It makes me feel like it’s so unfair that I have to suffer through a period, or have those other parts of my body that are made for something specific, and may never be used. What’s the point?!?
Sorry to vent, I’m just going through a tough time again right now. I’m trying to figure out how to not think about getting pregnant, or not try for the next 6 or more months. I am clueless. I have no idea how to go about that, since there are things that happen that show me exactly where I am in my cycle. Why did this have to happen to us?
Anyways, really sorry about that again. Here’s the better part of the day. My calories for Wednesday were 1,425! Really good! And 3 days in a row that I’ve stayed in my limits. I feel, in this area, everything is going well. I have habits instilled and they help me follow through every day. It’s pretty cool to know that I’m doing this myself. I’ve committed myself to a (very) long-term project; this from someone who used to shy away from such things. I always wanted results right away, and knowing that the results are slow in coming is just so different for me. But I’m doing it. I think about a year from now and know that I’m going to continue losing weight and getting stronger and healthier, and in a year, I’ll be at least 60 pounds lighter! How great is that?!?!?!