I’ve done really well this week! On Wednesday, I kept good track of what I ate, and my calorie count for the day was 1510! That is smack dab in the middle of my calorie target! YAY! Then I did my swim class which was really nice. I so enjoy getting into the water for an hour a couple of times a week. There really is nothing I like better than floating around in water, and relaxing for hours!
And today, I’ve done well today too. My calories today were 1409 and I felt fairly satisfied and successful! Today, I worked out a brief strength training schedule. I figure I will do weights every other day to give my muscles a rest between times. It took me about 23 minutes to do two sets of 6 exercises. I made a chart to track how much I do now, and each night will do the same, and every week, I’ll up the exercises or reps a bit. I was bragging to Jeff a little bit about the “gun show” I’m gonna have. I get such a kick out of the terms ‘gun show’. It sounds so great, and I think that’s what I’m aiming for. I always wanted great arms!
Just for fun tonight, I weighed myself, to keep track of how I’m doing, and my scale said 280 even! The coolest part of this is, while my scale is two pounds below the weight watchers scale, I weighed myself on my scale first! I’m not entering it as my official weight, but I’m feeling pretty excited.
I’m going to do well this weekend, and have another great loss and beat Jeff’s butt!
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Monday and Tuesday
On Monday, I made sure to eat breakfast, which was good for me, but for some reason has always given me the most awful stomach ache for about an hour. That’s actually why I used to never eat anything when before work. My “breakfast” is actually eaten after I get to work, and am up for probably an hour. Strangely enough, even drinking cold or warm water will do that. Very strange.
My calories on Monday were good, but over the weekend Ihad made cinnamon rolls which were sitting on the counter, and gosh darnit, every time I walked by it, I took the fork sitting there and took a bite or two. Probably ended up being about 2 cinnamon rolls total. Definitely not good, but my calorie count for the day was 1897, so not horribly over my points.
Then on Tuesday, I definitely did better. Ate breakfast, lunch was from the cafeteria because I forgot my lunch, and it wasn’t too bad actually. After I got home, I ate 1 roll’s worth of fork bites (then Jeff finished it off Thank goodness!), and now it’s gone. So even with the one roll, my calories were 1,749. At the top but still in my limits!
The sad part of these last several days is that the only reason I was at the top or above my range on these days is because of the darn cinnamon rolls. Luckily, that’s over now. I should have wrapped them up and put them out of sight, but I didn’t . Lesson learned.
And despite all of this havoc I wreaked, I was down 4.4 pounds last night at weight watchers! The loss makes up for my big gain last week, and then some. I am officially down to 284.6 pounds, which is so awesome! My next goal is to be in the 270’s. I think the big loss can be attributed to my paying attention to everything I ate, and tracking everything as well over the weekend, which has always been my downfall. I also exercised 5 times in the last week. It’s so awesome to finally have the pieces of the puzzle starting to come together. I mean that it was almost instinctual to think about what I was eating, and to make it a little bit of a healthier choice. And the exercise is just something I have to do, so I do it.
My calories on Monday were good, but over the weekend Ihad made cinnamon rolls which were sitting on the counter, and gosh darnit, every time I walked by it, I took the fork sitting there and took a bite or two. Probably ended up being about 2 cinnamon rolls total. Definitely not good, but my calorie count for the day was 1897, so not horribly over my points.
Then on Tuesday, I definitely did better. Ate breakfast, lunch was from the cafeteria because I forgot my lunch, and it wasn’t too bad actually. After I got home, I ate 1 roll’s worth of fork bites (then Jeff finished it off Thank goodness!), and now it’s gone. So even with the one roll, my calories were 1,749. At the top but still in my limits!
The sad part of these last several days is that the only reason I was at the top or above my range on these days is because of the darn cinnamon rolls. Luckily, that’s over now. I should have wrapped them up and put them out of sight, but I didn’t . Lesson learned.
And despite all of this havoc I wreaked, I was down 4.4 pounds last night at weight watchers! The loss makes up for my big gain last week, and then some. I am officially down to 284.6 pounds, which is so awesome! My next goal is to be in the 270’s. I think the big loss can be attributed to my paying attention to everything I ate, and tracking everything as well over the weekend, which has always been my downfall. I also exercised 5 times in the last week. It’s so awesome to finally have the pieces of the puzzle starting to come together. I mean that it was almost instinctual to think about what I was eating, and to make it a little bit of a healthier choice. And the exercise is just something I have to do, so I do it.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Update from the weekend
I didn’t post over the weekend with the foods I ate, but I did track them. Instead of putting them down since they’re 3 long lists, I’ll just spell out my calorie count and how I did.
On Friday, I did alright through the day, and then went to my aunt’s house for a jewelry party. I only ate 2 small quiches, but I drank a cup of punch and about 4 oz. of Margarita before it made me feel like I was going to vomit.
Friday calorie count: 2,033. Not great since I did go over my limit, but not above the amount of calories that my body burns daily, so not a total loss. I was very aware this weekend of what I was putting into my mouth, and what I was drinking, so I didn’t do too badly actually.
On Saturday, I weeded another flowerbed by the house for an hour and a half. Got a nasty blister on my thumb and I think I’ve got a pinched nerve, but I felt good being in the sun for so long. Soaked up lots of vitamin D, and spent the rest of the day feeling satisfied and happy, I think the weather helped a great deal.
Saturday calorie count: 1,918. Better than Friday definitely, although still above my calorie limit. Since we had both exercised 5 times during the week, we designated Saturday as our one sit down meal for the month. We went to a Bar and grill, and I got the cod fillets with a baked potato. Jeff and I swapped my coleslaw (which I don’t like) for his vegetables (which he doesn’t like), but was disappointed because there in the bowl they were in was several tablespoons of melted butter. So I drained it off, but it still didn’t appeal, so I didn’t finish it.
On Sunday, we just stayed around home for the most part. It was our day to relax which really was nice.
I got out some chicken breasts and veggies to BBQ for dinner. I was totally stoked because the weather was perfect!!! I cut up the veggies and made a little tin foil packet of them. I seasoned them and drizzled them with olive oil. We wrapped potatoes in tin foil, and I got the BBQ going.
However, there is 1 (ONE) reason Jeff is the BBQ king and I am his loyal servant. The BBQ didn’t heat up like it was supposed to, but I plopped everything on it anyways, and after about a half an hour, realized it wasn’t cooking, and then Jeff reminded me he had to go to bed early, so we brought it all inside and cooked the chicken in the frying pan and the potatoes in the microwave. I was really disappointed, mostly because it was the first time we’d been able to get the bbq out, and it wouldn’t work for me.
After Jeff went to bed, I went over to see my sister to keep myself entertained and less lonely. We had a really nice time, and I drank one glass of wine that my BIL gave to me. It was a nice way to end the weekend.
Sunday calorie count: 1,896. Even closer than Saturday. While I didn’t stay within my limit at all on all three days, I’m pretty proud that I did keep track of everything I ate, and I did get some exercise in. All in all, I feel like it was a successful weekend. I’m hoping it will make up for my huge gain last Tuesday.
On Friday, I did alright through the day, and then went to my aunt’s house for a jewelry party. I only ate 2 small quiches, but I drank a cup of punch and about 4 oz. of Margarita before it made me feel like I was going to vomit.
Friday calorie count: 2,033. Not great since I did go over my limit, but not above the amount of calories that my body burns daily, so not a total loss. I was very aware this weekend of what I was putting into my mouth, and what I was drinking, so I didn’t do too badly actually.
On Saturday, I weeded another flowerbed by the house for an hour and a half. Got a nasty blister on my thumb and I think I’ve got a pinched nerve, but I felt good being in the sun for so long. Soaked up lots of vitamin D, and spent the rest of the day feeling satisfied and happy, I think the weather helped a great deal.
Saturday calorie count: 1,918. Better than Friday definitely, although still above my calorie limit. Since we had both exercised 5 times during the week, we designated Saturday as our one sit down meal for the month. We went to a Bar and grill, and I got the cod fillets with a baked potato. Jeff and I swapped my coleslaw (which I don’t like) for his vegetables (which he doesn’t like), but was disappointed because there in the bowl they were in was several tablespoons of melted butter. So I drained it off, but it still didn’t appeal, so I didn’t finish it.
On Sunday, we just stayed around home for the most part. It was our day to relax which really was nice.
I got out some chicken breasts and veggies to BBQ for dinner. I was totally stoked because the weather was perfect!!! I cut up the veggies and made a little tin foil packet of them. I seasoned them and drizzled them with olive oil. We wrapped potatoes in tin foil, and I got the BBQ going.
However, there is 1 (ONE) reason Jeff is the BBQ king and I am his loyal servant. The BBQ didn’t heat up like it was supposed to, but I plopped everything on it anyways, and after about a half an hour, realized it wasn’t cooking, and then Jeff reminded me he had to go to bed early, so we brought it all inside and cooked the chicken in the frying pan and the potatoes in the microwave. I was really disappointed, mostly because it was the first time we’d been able to get the bbq out, and it wouldn’t work for me.
After Jeff went to bed, I went over to see my sister to keep myself entertained and less lonely. We had a really nice time, and I drank one glass of wine that my BIL gave to me. It was a nice way to end the weekend.
Sunday calorie count: 1,896. Even closer than Saturday. While I didn’t stay within my limit at all on all three days, I’m pretty proud that I did keep track of everything I ate, and I did get some exercise in. All in all, I feel like it was a successful weekend. I’m hoping it will make up for my huge gain last Tuesday.
Friday, May 14, 2010
Food for 5/13/10
I did well last night. I stayed within my calories, fat, carbs and protein, and actually went a little over on my fiber for the first time in a long time! That’s one thing I’ve been slowly working on since it really is important for my digestive health. Last night, I went to water aerobics, and it was a different teacher, whose class I don’t think I like very much. She stood on the edge of the pool with a microphone and speaker so we could hear her, which was great, but she wasn’t able to demonstrate the movement very well, and a lot of her moves were nearly impossible to do underwater. It makes me think that she didn’t try them underwater before deciding what to teach. So I’m glad then that I have Weight Watchers on Tuesdays so I don’t go to the class. I think I’ll just go on Mondays and Wednesdays. At least with those two, I feel like I get a workout.
Food for 5/13/10
Yogurt 160
Whole Wheat English Muffin 130
Butter 102
Chicken Salad 137
Whole Wheat Pita 130
1 C. broccoli 24.6
Banana108.5
Apple 81.4
V8 30
Granola Bar 100
Cheese Stick 80
Michelina’s Mac & Cheese, 2/3 package- 200 (I started my weight loss on these things, but last night, this was kind of icky.
2 Beef hot dogs- 80
2 sushis 115
½ serv. Doritos 75
Hamms Beer 144
1 T. peanut butter 95
GRAND TOTAL: 1652 calories and 35 points!!!
This evening, my aunt is having one of those jewelry parties where someone comes in and shows the group jewelry that you can buy. She’s also providing alcohol, unfortunately I don’t know what kind, so I decided that I would eat a little less today so I can have 2 drinks tonight. I’m also going to find the calories and points for a bunch of drinks I normally have so I have a little cheat sheet, and I can keep my calories in check. Wish me luck!
The weather here is gorgeous!
Food for 5/13/10
Yogurt 160
Whole Wheat English Muffin 130
Butter 102
Chicken Salad 137
Whole Wheat Pita 130
1 C. broccoli 24.6
Banana108.5
Apple 81.4
V8 30
Granola Bar 100
Cheese Stick 80
Michelina’s Mac & Cheese, 2/3 package- 200 (I started my weight loss on these things, but last night, this was kind of icky.
2 Beef hot dogs- 80
2 sushis 115
½ serv. Doritos 75
Hamms Beer 144
1 T. peanut butter 95
GRAND TOTAL: 1652 calories and 35 points!!!
This evening, my aunt is having one of those jewelry parties where someone comes in and shows the group jewelry that you can buy. She’s also providing alcohol, unfortunately I don’t know what kind, so I decided that I would eat a little less today so I can have 2 drinks tonight. I’m also going to find the calories and points for a bunch of drinks I normally have so I have a little cheat sheet, and I can keep my calories in check. Wish me luck!
The weather here is gorgeous!
Thursday, May 13, 2010
I stayed in my limit again!!!
Food for 10/12/10
Yogurt 160
Whole wheat English muffin 130
1 T. butter 102
1 square inch danish 53
3 oz. chicken 94
1 C. carrots 55
Banana 125
Granola Bar 100
Apple 81
Pop Chips 120
Chicken salad 137
Whole wheat pitas 260
Cheddar cheese 228.5
Grand TOTAL: 1645 calories!!! & 32 points!!!
Last night, I went to the water aerobics class which was simply wonderful. I love anything that has to do with water, and using the flotation noodle and water as resistance is a great way to go. They have 4 different colors, which are different sizes as well, and I always take the toughest one and I love using it in a push-up for one arm, holding the noodle by my thigh, then raising it up and pushing it back down again. It’s awesome!
Then my friend who was going to do the cardio dance with me told me she had forgotten that she was going to Bunco and a baby shower, so we rescheduled. I came home, made myself some delicious chicken salad in whole wheat pitas with cheddar for dinner, which were delicious! Then I went and did the beginning of C25K again with my sister. I figure, even if I never get to the point of finishing the program, I am getting myself moving a lot.
Yogurt 160
Whole wheat English muffin 130
1 T. butter 102
1 square inch danish 53
3 oz. chicken 94
1 C. carrots 55
Banana 125
Granola Bar 100
Apple 81
Pop Chips 120
Chicken salad 137
Whole wheat pitas 260
Cheddar cheese 228.5
Grand TOTAL: 1645 calories!!! & 32 points!!!
Last night, I went to the water aerobics class which was simply wonderful. I love anything that has to do with water, and using the flotation noodle and water as resistance is a great way to go. They have 4 different colors, which are different sizes as well, and I always take the toughest one and I love using it in a push-up for one arm, holding the noodle by my thigh, then raising it up and pushing it back down again. It’s awesome!
Then my friend who was going to do the cardio dance with me told me she had forgotten that she was going to Bunco and a baby shower, so we rescheduled. I came home, made myself some delicious chicken salad in whole wheat pitas with cheddar for dinner, which were delicious! Then I went and did the beginning of C25K again with my sister. I figure, even if I never get to the point of finishing the program, I am getting myself moving a lot.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
My first binge since this journey began 1 1/2 years ago.
I had my official weigh-in last night, and my current weight is 289.2. I gained 3.8 pounds, and actually expected it. Unfortunately. Here’s why.
This weekend, Jeff and I both had a couple of drinks on Friday night, Saturday night and Sunday afternoon. Typically, I don’t drink this often, but this weekend was obviously different. And I think it helped derail my weight.
On Mother’s day, I did fairly well eating. Or at least better than I used to. But I didn’t track at all. Then on Monday, I wrote that I was going to post what I eat in my blogs because it holds me to an accountability that I need. However, on Monday night, I had my first binge since I started working on my habits. It’s been probably a year and a half since that’s happened. And while I won’t bother to write down what I ate here (Believe me, I’m accountable), I will tell what happened.
On Monday, the evening was a ltitle different because of our schedule, so I decided that I was going to stop by McD’s and get a salad. I rarely ever eat there, but when I do, I always get it healthified. Anyways, when I pulled up to the speaker, I had a car in front and behind me, and as I went through my wallet, I realized I only had $3 and no debit card, which isn’t enough to get the salad. So instead of just driving through and going elsewhere, I ordered a McChicken sandwich and one of the snack wraps, figuring it would be enough.
I went home and ate it, and even though I was mostly full, I felt deprived because I hadn’t wanted to eat what I did. Sounds kind of skewed I know, but it kept nagging at me so much that after Jeff went to bed at 8, I drove back to town and stopped by Taco Bell where I got more food (that I actually wanted), and ate it all. The sad part is that it made me feel really uncomfortable in my stomach, just really full.
I wasn’t happy, and knew that eating like that is what got me here in the first place, and I was even trying to talk myself down on the way home from TB, but none of it worked, and when I got home, I ate everything, even though after I’d finished most of it, the rest looked unpalatable to me. I still haven’t figured out what the whole thing was about, but one thing I have learned from it is to not waste calories on things I don’t like, or don’t want to eat, as I did with the McD’s food. I didn’t want it. It didn’t look good, and it wasn’t what I was hungry for, but I did it anyways and took in a huge deal more calories than I would have, had I initially gone to Taco Bell or somewhere else. So, here is me being accountable. I don’t like the entire situation, but I need the accountability.
So here’s what I ate on Tuesday:
Yogurt 160
Whole Wheat English muffin 130
Butter 102
Banana 125
Soup 100
Cheese Stick 80
V8 30
Carrots 55
Dinner at Mom’s (My sister’s birthday)
3 oz. pork 169
½ C. stuffing 80
1 small roll 75.4
2/3 hot dog 84
1 oz. corn casserole 79.2
¼ C. brown rice 54
2 C. orange juice 219
1/16 slice cake 117.4
½ pear 15
¼ oz. cheese 15
GRAND TOTAL: (drumroll please!!!) 1689.6 calories and 34 points exactly!
This evening I am going to the water aerobics class, which is soo much fun! And one of my friends there in that class kind of dared me to do a cardio dance class with her, so that’ll be right after the water class. Should be lots of fun!
This weekend, Jeff and I both had a couple of drinks on Friday night, Saturday night and Sunday afternoon. Typically, I don’t drink this often, but this weekend was obviously different. And I think it helped derail my weight.
On Mother’s day, I did fairly well eating. Or at least better than I used to. But I didn’t track at all. Then on Monday, I wrote that I was going to post what I eat in my blogs because it holds me to an accountability that I need. However, on Monday night, I had my first binge since I started working on my habits. It’s been probably a year and a half since that’s happened. And while I won’t bother to write down what I ate here (Believe me, I’m accountable), I will tell what happened.
On Monday, the evening was a ltitle different because of our schedule, so I decided that I was going to stop by McD’s and get a salad. I rarely ever eat there, but when I do, I always get it healthified. Anyways, when I pulled up to the speaker, I had a car in front and behind me, and as I went through my wallet, I realized I only had $3 and no debit card, which isn’t enough to get the salad. So instead of just driving through and going elsewhere, I ordered a McChicken sandwich and one of the snack wraps, figuring it would be enough.
I went home and ate it, and even though I was mostly full, I felt deprived because I hadn’t wanted to eat what I did. Sounds kind of skewed I know, but it kept nagging at me so much that after Jeff went to bed at 8, I drove back to town and stopped by Taco Bell where I got more food (that I actually wanted), and ate it all. The sad part is that it made me feel really uncomfortable in my stomach, just really full.
I wasn’t happy, and knew that eating like that is what got me here in the first place, and I was even trying to talk myself down on the way home from TB, but none of it worked, and when I got home, I ate everything, even though after I’d finished most of it, the rest looked unpalatable to me. I still haven’t figured out what the whole thing was about, but one thing I have learned from it is to not waste calories on things I don’t like, or don’t want to eat, as I did with the McD’s food. I didn’t want it. It didn’t look good, and it wasn’t what I was hungry for, but I did it anyways and took in a huge deal more calories than I would have, had I initially gone to Taco Bell or somewhere else. So, here is me being accountable. I don’t like the entire situation, but I need the accountability.
So here’s what I ate on Tuesday:
Yogurt 160
Whole Wheat English muffin 130
Butter 102
Banana 125
Soup 100
Cheese Stick 80
V8 30
Carrots 55
Dinner at Mom’s (My sister’s birthday)
3 oz. pork 169
½ C. stuffing 80
1 small roll 75.4
2/3 hot dog 84
1 oz. corn casserole 79.2
¼ C. brown rice 54
2 C. orange juice 219
1/16 slice cake 117.4
½ pear 15
¼ oz. cheese 15
GRAND TOTAL: (drumroll please!!!) 1689.6 calories and 34 points exactly!
This evening I am going to the water aerobics class, which is soo much fun! And one of my friends there in that class kind of dared me to do a cardio dance class with her, so that’ll be right after the water class. Should be lots of fun!
Monday, May 10, 2010
Mother's day and the weekend
This weekend was so lovely! The temperature was probably in the high 60’s or low 70’s, and on Saturday, I threw on a pair of capris and a cute shirt and felt so springy!
Then Jeff went out and mowed the lawn and I attacked one flowerbed by the house. It’s about 8 feet by 15 feet long, so it’s was quite a task. It’s been looking like a jungle lately, and our poor wildflowers keep trying to peek through, but can’t. So I sprayed some water all over it to soften up the dirt, then went inside to throw together the dough for my cinnamon rolls in the bread machine. Then I went back outside and spent an hour and a half squatting and pulling, and shoveling, until I got all of the weeds out of the bed. Then I loaded the wheelbarrow full of dirt to move to the bed to even it out, unfortunately after it was full, I realized the tire was flat, so pushing it the 10 feet to the flower bed took a huge amount of work. After that load, I was done with it, until I get the tire filled. Then I got 3 groupings of day lilies (or something like that) from my Mom, so I planted those when I got home. I’m really liking how the bed looks!
Then yesterday, I was pretty darn sore. My ab muscles ( I have ab muscles!!!!!) were aching and my thighs and my calves, and my arms slightly. I really am not a fan of gardening, or doing anything to maintain the outside, but my husband and I will likely be moving in October and I figured that I’ve let the place pretty much go over the last 5 ½ years, and I should at least try to make it look a little better when we move out. But I couldn’t believe what a workout it was to do one portion of the flowerbed. And it goes all the way around the house!!! I figure if next weekend is nice, I’m going to do another part and make it look better.
On to the food and exercise portion of the weekend, pretty much all the exercise I got was the gardening on Saturday and chasing my sister around at my Mom’s house yesterday. Eating wise, I didn’t do so hot either. On Saturday night, we had pizza at my sister and brother-in-law’s house, which I haven’t had in quite some time, so I over indulged, and then had too much margarita. Then on Sunday, we got our fast food dinner since we both worked out 5 times last week. We went to Taco Bell, and compared to how I used to do, I did pretty well. I got a meal with a burrito and chips, and only drank about 1 cup of the raspberry iced tea. The difference there is that I used to eat with my eyes, and I’d order too many things because they’re all yummy. Now, I try to remind myself that Taco Bell’s not going out of style. It will still be there tomorrow, or next week, or next month. So I should get a reasonable amount this time, and the next time we go out, I can do the same.
I’m still really struggling with keeping my weekends in check. I didn’t track my points or anything at all this weekend, and I know that I ate more than I normally would. So I’ve decided to put what I eat on my blog daily. It’ll make me more accountable, since I know it’s up in a public place. I will still occasionally eat foods that I shouldn’t or more than I should, but I plan to be completely honest about what I eat. I do have to ask, however, that no one critiques my daily menu. Being honest with myself on my blog is hard enough, without feeling bad because of what I ate because someone tells me I shouldn’t. I am my own food police.
Yesterday was kind of tough for me. I spoke to my Dad when he called and he wished me Happy Mother’s Day then said “Oh, never mind. You’re not a mother”. Which I am fully aware of, and even more so since he brought it up. Then my sister was upset about something that I did not ask her opinion on, and she at one point threw out “You’re not the only Mother who should get to decide these things”. I know that! Yet, I did. And it was done. She’s very pregnant, with probably only a week or so to go, so I think that’s why she was so touchy about it. Either way, it’s hard on Mother’s Day for me, seeing all these other women who get to celebrate that they gave the gift of life to their children, and yet I haven’t been able to do that.
Nonetheless, if you’re a mother, I hope you had a wonderful Mother’s day. I hope you remember what a blessing you have received for each of the children you’ve been given. I hope you never forget how lucky you are to have that gift.
Then Jeff went out and mowed the lawn and I attacked one flowerbed by the house. It’s about 8 feet by 15 feet long, so it’s was quite a task. It’s been looking like a jungle lately, and our poor wildflowers keep trying to peek through, but can’t. So I sprayed some water all over it to soften up the dirt, then went inside to throw together the dough for my cinnamon rolls in the bread machine. Then I went back outside and spent an hour and a half squatting and pulling, and shoveling, until I got all of the weeds out of the bed. Then I loaded the wheelbarrow full of dirt to move to the bed to even it out, unfortunately after it was full, I realized the tire was flat, so pushing it the 10 feet to the flower bed took a huge amount of work. After that load, I was done with it, until I get the tire filled. Then I got 3 groupings of day lilies (or something like that) from my Mom, so I planted those when I got home. I’m really liking how the bed looks!
Then yesterday, I was pretty darn sore. My ab muscles ( I have ab muscles!!!!!) were aching and my thighs and my calves, and my arms slightly. I really am not a fan of gardening, or doing anything to maintain the outside, but my husband and I will likely be moving in October and I figured that I’ve let the place pretty much go over the last 5 ½ years, and I should at least try to make it look a little better when we move out. But I couldn’t believe what a workout it was to do one portion of the flowerbed. And it goes all the way around the house!!! I figure if next weekend is nice, I’m going to do another part and make it look better.
On to the food and exercise portion of the weekend, pretty much all the exercise I got was the gardening on Saturday and chasing my sister around at my Mom’s house yesterday. Eating wise, I didn’t do so hot either. On Saturday night, we had pizza at my sister and brother-in-law’s house, which I haven’t had in quite some time, so I over indulged, and then had too much margarita. Then on Sunday, we got our fast food dinner since we both worked out 5 times last week. We went to Taco Bell, and compared to how I used to do, I did pretty well. I got a meal with a burrito and chips, and only drank about 1 cup of the raspberry iced tea. The difference there is that I used to eat with my eyes, and I’d order too many things because they’re all yummy. Now, I try to remind myself that Taco Bell’s not going out of style. It will still be there tomorrow, or next week, or next month. So I should get a reasonable amount this time, and the next time we go out, I can do the same.
I’m still really struggling with keeping my weekends in check. I didn’t track my points or anything at all this weekend, and I know that I ate more than I normally would. So I’ve decided to put what I eat on my blog daily. It’ll make me more accountable, since I know it’s up in a public place. I will still occasionally eat foods that I shouldn’t or more than I should, but I plan to be completely honest about what I eat. I do have to ask, however, that no one critiques my daily menu. Being honest with myself on my blog is hard enough, without feeling bad because of what I ate because someone tells me I shouldn’t. I am my own food police.
Yesterday was kind of tough for me. I spoke to my Dad when he called and he wished me Happy Mother’s Day then said “Oh, never mind. You’re not a mother”. Which I am fully aware of, and even more so since he brought it up. Then my sister was upset about something that I did not ask her opinion on, and she at one point threw out “You’re not the only Mother who should get to decide these things”. I know that! Yet, I did. And it was done. She’s very pregnant, with probably only a week or so to go, so I think that’s why she was so touchy about it. Either way, it’s hard on Mother’s Day for me, seeing all these other women who get to celebrate that they gave the gift of life to their children, and yet I haven’t been able to do that.
Nonetheless, if you’re a mother, I hope you had a wonderful Mother’s day. I hope you remember what a blessing you have received for each of the children you’ve been given. I hope you never forget how lucky you are to have that gift.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Happy news and then it all goes downhill from there.
So as of last night, I am officially 30 pounds down from where I started at (313 pounds)! My BMI is down 4.4 points from 50.5 to 46.1! After my weight watchers meeting last night, I went to the gym. I was on the treadmill, and decided that I’d push myself to do 20 minutes, because I was kind of bored. Then Biggest Loser came on, and I was less bored, and pushed myself to do 5 more minutes. Then 5 more minutes. Until I got to 45 minutes! Then I went to the weight machines and did some arm exercises, just to even things out. And one thing I’m most excited about; Every so often, I put on a pedometer, just for fun to see how many steps I take. Because my job is very sedentary, I often only get about 4,000 in the entire day! But yesterday, I got over 10,000 steps! I am so proud of that!
Because of my success so far, I decided it’s time to make a new goal, so I made a large goal, and a bunch of new small ones. The large goal is to lose 100 pounds in 1 year. However, I split it up so that the small goals are easy to attain. In order to reach my goal, I have to lose a little less than 2.1 pounds per week, which is a healthy rate. By this time a year from now, I hope to weigh 176.5 pounds, and have a BMI of 28.5. That is less than I weighed in high school, which is crazy. That is the only time I remember actually having a real weight, because it’s on my drivers license.
I was actually a skinny kid. I rode my bike all the time, and climbed trees constantly. I was a tomboy and spent a lot of time outdoors. I didn’t start to gain weight until around 5th or 6th grade when my parents were starting to have problems, but I still didn’t weigh that much. I was just a little pudgy. Then when my Dad left us in 9th grade, I really ballooned up, and that seems to be the time where I gained most of my weight. I am an emotional eater, and while we did always have pretty healthy foods at home growing up, I ate way too much of them. I remember coming home from school and foraging in the cabinets for something to eat. I know I hid wrappers around, and thinking back, I am so embarrassed for my behavior. I constantly hid my eating. If I went to the store, I’d buy something from the deli, or donuts, etc., and take them home and hide them while I ate them.
My Mom would sometimes get on my case about it (my weight I guess), but it never really felt like it was loving, the way she always said it. “You shouldn’t have more of that”, or “that’s enough for you” (then another sibling would get to have more), or lecturing me at the dinner table with the whole family in attendance, about what foods I could have more of, etc. I wish she’d been more proactive about it; instead of saying those things in front of the entire family, it would have been great if she’d had a private talk with me about it. And maybe gone on walks or bike rides with me. Maybe if that had happened, and I had felt like I got some attention from her, our relationship now wouldn’t be so rough.
Now, I live literally across a field from her. It takes about 3 minutes to walk through the field, or 7 minutes to take the road. Yet, she complains that I never come over, or never talk with her. I try to talk to her, but there doesn’t seem to be much to talk about. I have tried, but our conversation is like a limp noodle. She is inattentive, looking at other things, paying attention to other people’s conversations, as if what I have to say is unimportant to her. When I try to talk about how I feel about something, it’s like she steam rolls over it, and makes me feel like an idiot for making a big deal out of it. However, when my sisters talk to her about their kids, she’s very interactive in the conversations. It often makes me feel that I (and Jeff) are not as important as the others because we don’t have kids.
I feel like crying, simply because of the relationship we could/should have had, and don’t. As ridiculous as it is, I’m still trying to seek her approval, though I don’t think I’ll ever get it. I used to think that if I had kids before my siblings, she’d approve of me. When I make a cake for a birthday party, or baby shower, my first thought is that I want to impress her. When I knitted that blanket for my sisters baby, my thoughts were that maybe Mom would be proud, since she had tried to teach me to knit years ago. But she said nothing. All I need her to say is “what a beautiful job you’ve done” or “you’re so talented” or maybe “I’m so proud of you”. But she won’t, and probably never will. How do you stop seeking the approval of a parent that’s not willing to give it? It would sure be less stress on my heart, but while I can identify that it’s a problem, I can’t seem to stop these thoughts of wanting her to pay attention to me.
And that’s enough of the examining feelings. This is making me far too emotional.
Because of my success so far, I decided it’s time to make a new goal, so I made a large goal, and a bunch of new small ones. The large goal is to lose 100 pounds in 1 year. However, I split it up so that the small goals are easy to attain. In order to reach my goal, I have to lose a little less than 2.1 pounds per week, which is a healthy rate. By this time a year from now, I hope to weigh 176.5 pounds, and have a BMI of 28.5. That is less than I weighed in high school, which is crazy. That is the only time I remember actually having a real weight, because it’s on my drivers license.
I was actually a skinny kid. I rode my bike all the time, and climbed trees constantly. I was a tomboy and spent a lot of time outdoors. I didn’t start to gain weight until around 5th or 6th grade when my parents were starting to have problems, but I still didn’t weigh that much. I was just a little pudgy. Then when my Dad left us in 9th grade, I really ballooned up, and that seems to be the time where I gained most of my weight. I am an emotional eater, and while we did always have pretty healthy foods at home growing up, I ate way too much of them. I remember coming home from school and foraging in the cabinets for something to eat. I know I hid wrappers around, and thinking back, I am so embarrassed for my behavior. I constantly hid my eating. If I went to the store, I’d buy something from the deli, or donuts, etc., and take them home and hide them while I ate them.
My Mom would sometimes get on my case about it (my weight I guess), but it never really felt like it was loving, the way she always said it. “You shouldn’t have more of that”, or “that’s enough for you” (then another sibling would get to have more), or lecturing me at the dinner table with the whole family in attendance, about what foods I could have more of, etc. I wish she’d been more proactive about it; instead of saying those things in front of the entire family, it would have been great if she’d had a private talk with me about it. And maybe gone on walks or bike rides with me. Maybe if that had happened, and I had felt like I got some attention from her, our relationship now wouldn’t be so rough.
Now, I live literally across a field from her. It takes about 3 minutes to walk through the field, or 7 minutes to take the road. Yet, she complains that I never come over, or never talk with her. I try to talk to her, but there doesn’t seem to be much to talk about. I have tried, but our conversation is like a limp noodle. She is inattentive, looking at other things, paying attention to other people’s conversations, as if what I have to say is unimportant to her. When I try to talk about how I feel about something, it’s like she steam rolls over it, and makes me feel like an idiot for making a big deal out of it. However, when my sisters talk to her about their kids, she’s very interactive in the conversations. It often makes me feel that I (and Jeff) are not as important as the others because we don’t have kids.
I feel like crying, simply because of the relationship we could/should have had, and don’t. As ridiculous as it is, I’m still trying to seek her approval, though I don’t think I’ll ever get it. I used to think that if I had kids before my siblings, she’d approve of me. When I make a cake for a birthday party, or baby shower, my first thought is that I want to impress her. When I knitted that blanket for my sisters baby, my thoughts were that maybe Mom would be proud, since she had tried to teach me to knit years ago. But she said nothing. All I need her to say is “what a beautiful job you’ve done” or “you’re so talented” or maybe “I’m so proud of you”. But she won’t, and probably never will. How do you stop seeking the approval of a parent that’s not willing to give it? It would sure be less stress on my heart, but while I can identify that it’s a problem, I can’t seem to stop these thoughts of wanting her to pay attention to me.
And that’s enough of the examining feelings. This is making me far too emotional.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
This weekend, Jeff and I both ate at home all weekend. I made our meals, and it was actually really nice. I also stuffed some herbs under a chicken’s skin, and stuffed him full of lemon and lime sliced and tossed him into the crockpot for several hours. It tastes just as good as the rotisserie chicken you can get at the store, only it’s cheaper. I also made an amazing tomato sauce with small sausage meatballs. I let it simmer for like 8 hours, and it was sooo good! So as of Sunday, I had all our dinners for the week cooked. All I have to do now is re-heat them.
I also found out that I actually can get a membership with the aquatic center. They apparently don’t really check to see if you’re in city limits, so if your license says the city, that’s all they want. I went and signed up last night, and it cost me $126 for 6 months. That’s $21 a month, which is about fifteen dollars savings from 24-hour fitness. Then I called 24 today to cancel my membership and finally got ahold of someone (I tried for an hour and a half yesterday). She kept pushing and pushing me to stay with them. I told her that the main reason I’m leaving them is that they don’t have any of the classes I’d be interested in, on my schedule. They’re also about 20 minutes from home, as opposed to the aquatic center which is only about 7 minutes. So I can go home, and then go back and not eat up a huge chunk of time. The best part is that I cancelled my membership within the 3 (business) day cooling period, which means I don’t get charged a cent, and get a complete refund of all that I have paid! It’s a good thing all around!
I have weight watchers tonight, and I’m thinking I’m probably not going to have a loss, as while I did cook all weekend, I didn’t measure portion sizes, or track my points. If I’m around the same, I’ll be happy. It’s only too bad I don’t lose a pound because I don’t get the three awards I was so looking forward to. I will get the 16 weeks attendance however, which I also think is great! It’s a sign of my maturity that I’ve attended a meeting this long consistently. Used to me that I was a little commitment phobic, and attending a meeting would’ve been inside of that. I would’ve gone for awhile, then I would have gotten tired of feeling like I don’t have any time to myself, and I would have stopped going. I’m definitely growing up!
In working on a new plan for eating, I found a 1,500 calorie menu, that is really great, and pretty flexible. For example: For Breakfast, it gives you several options in the whole grain category, and tells you to pick one. Then there’s a dairy, and fruit one. And you pick one selection out of all of the options. I also decided that I’m going to start eating breakfast at home, and then when I pack my lunch, I’ll only have to pack 2 snacks to go with it. Right now, I eat breakfast, I just prefer the extra sleep in the morning, so I bring it with me to work and eat it when I get there. I really feel like these changes will help keep me on track, and get things moving again. I like that.
I also found out that I actually can get a membership with the aquatic center. They apparently don’t really check to see if you’re in city limits, so if your license says the city, that’s all they want. I went and signed up last night, and it cost me $126 for 6 months. That’s $21 a month, which is about fifteen dollars savings from 24-hour fitness. Then I called 24 today to cancel my membership and finally got ahold of someone (I tried for an hour and a half yesterday). She kept pushing and pushing me to stay with them. I told her that the main reason I’m leaving them is that they don’t have any of the classes I’d be interested in, on my schedule. They’re also about 20 minutes from home, as opposed to the aquatic center which is only about 7 minutes. So I can go home, and then go back and not eat up a huge chunk of time. The best part is that I cancelled my membership within the 3 (business) day cooling period, which means I don’t get charged a cent, and get a complete refund of all that I have paid! It’s a good thing all around!
I have weight watchers tonight, and I’m thinking I’m probably not going to have a loss, as while I did cook all weekend, I didn’t measure portion sizes, or track my points. If I’m around the same, I’ll be happy. It’s only too bad I don’t lose a pound because I don’t get the three awards I was so looking forward to. I will get the 16 weeks attendance however, which I also think is great! It’s a sign of my maturity that I’ve attended a meeting this long consistently. Used to me that I was a little commitment phobic, and attending a meeting would’ve been inside of that. I would’ve gone for awhile, then I would have gotten tired of feeling like I don’t have any time to myself, and I would have stopped going. I’m definitely growing up!
In working on a new plan for eating, I found a 1,500 calorie menu, that is really great, and pretty flexible. For example: For Breakfast, it gives you several options in the whole grain category, and tells you to pick one. Then there’s a dairy, and fruit one. And you pick one selection out of all of the options. I also decided that I’m going to start eating breakfast at home, and then when I pack my lunch, I’ll only have to pack 2 snacks to go with it. Right now, I eat breakfast, I just prefer the extra sleep in the morning, so I bring it with me to work and eat it when I get there. I really feel like these changes will help keep me on track, and get things moving again. I like that.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Gym Membership
Jeff and I were going to join the aquatic center here in our town so we’d have a place to work out, which would have cost $210 for 6 months (a pretty good deal). Only we found out we’re not technically within city limits, so they don’t consider us residents. So instead of the good cost for a resident membership, we would have to pay $205 for only 3 months! It kind of makes me mad because we do pay taxes that go to the roads, and everything else here in our town, but we don’t get the resident discount because we’re a mile and a half outside of town. So we ended up not signing up with them. For the cost, it wasn’t very good.
So instead, we looked around on line, and found 24-hour fitness had a special deal going on right now. We signed up for that, which gives us access to ALL the 24-hour fitness places anywhere. I’m really excited about this, as I haven’t ever had a membership to a gym. I’m going to go tonight after work, and check it out. I’m a little nervous because I always feel really self-conscious surrounded by fit, skinny people, but I know how I am, and that I’ll be able to forget about them after I start it up.
Jeff also was saying last night that he’s going to beat me at our challenge. Which still bothered me because he’s acting like it’s just the challenge, not a lifetime of healthy change. But then, while I was protesting, I realized this is what I want from him. I want him fired up to lose weight and get healthier, and him being a butt about it like he is, motivates me to want to beat him. So, I believe I will. Since it started, I’ve lost 14 pounds, and almost 5%. I figure, we have 4 months left of our challenge. If I really buckle down, I could aim to lose 10 pounds per month (very aggressive) and be down a total of 55 by my birthday. Either way, I’m already a ways ahead of him, and plan to stay that way.
So instead, we looked around on line, and found 24-hour fitness had a special deal going on right now. We signed up for that, which gives us access to ALL the 24-hour fitness places anywhere. I’m really excited about this, as I haven’t ever had a membership to a gym. I’m going to go tonight after work, and check it out. I’m a little nervous because I always feel really self-conscious surrounded by fit, skinny people, but I know how I am, and that I’ll be able to forget about them after I start it up.
Jeff also was saying last night that he’s going to beat me at our challenge. Which still bothered me because he’s acting like it’s just the challenge, not a lifetime of healthy change. But then, while I was protesting, I realized this is what I want from him. I want him fired up to lose weight and get healthier, and him being a butt about it like he is, motivates me to want to beat him. So, I believe I will. Since it started, I’ve lost 14 pounds, and almost 5%. I figure, we have 4 months left of our challenge. If I really buckle down, I could aim to lose 10 pounds per month (very aggressive) and be down a total of 55 by my birthday. Either way, I’m already a ways ahead of him, and plan to stay that way.
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